Chapter Eighteen: Emotions Resurfaced

The day had arrived. The day that Miranda had never dreamed would come. Today she would be leaving Starlight Shores, and even though it wasn't permanent, she still felt nervous. The night before was spent tossing and turning and her second guessing herself. At one point she wanted to cancel her flight, but thankfully the rational part of her mind had checked back in just in time.

"So are you ready?" Emily asked, unsure what to say. Jaq' had a meeting with a potential client and wasn't able to see Miranda off. The two women weren't BFF's, but they had developed somewhat of a relationship. A strong enough relationship to the point where they'd really miss each other during this time apart. Miranda sighed and looked over to her awaiting luggage. Was she ready? Hell no. But was she going to get on that plane today? Of course.

"Honestly, no. But it doesn't matter. I have to do this." Miranda replied truthfully. Emily nodded.
"But not right now, not if you're feeling unsure." Emily replied.
"Emily I'll probably never be ready. I mean would you be? I'm going to a place I've never been, alone, and I have no idea what I'm setting myself up for." Miranda said. The reality of the situation scared her out of her mind. Her biggest fear was getting rejected to her face and she didn't know how she'd handle it if it happened.

"You're right." Emily said. "I wish I could help you in someway, even do it for you."
"Don't worry, I have my cowgirl boots on." Miranda joked. Emily smiled at her, but couldn't bring herself to laugh. In a town like this genuine people were hard to come by. And just like Miranda, Emily didn't have a lot of people she could trust here. So watching Miranda prepare to leave was harder on her than she assumed it would be.

"If I don't leave now, then I'll miss my flight." Miranda stated during their silence.
"Yeah okay." Emily said softly. She wiped at a tear escaping from her eye and looked at the ground. Miranda's heart suddenly warmed up. People like this and moments such as this reminded her that there are still good people out there. And she was lucky to have a few in her life.
"Come here." Miranda said and pulled her into a hug. "I'm going to miss you too." She said. Emily hadn't actually said it of course, but her actions did. They broke their embrace. Miranda gathered her bags with the help of Emily and loaded her trunk. She hopped in the front seat and rolled down the passenger's side window to wave goodbye. Emily waved back with a teary smile plastered on her face.

....

In Riverview

Miranda had arranged to rent a small house during her time in Riverview. She exited her car, grabbed her first suitcase and headed towards her new home. She noticed the paint chipping from the door and hoped the inside looked better. It did, thankfully. She continued to unload her car until everything was inside the house. Tired and a little worn out from the flight, she decided to reward herself with a drink. Non-alcoholic of course.

Ignore the plants going through the house please, I was too lazy to move them lol

As Miranda blended her drink, her mind drifted back to the day she had found out about the affair. Specifically her return home .Why that particular day, she didn't know. She truly thought they could make it work. And she imagined Joshua being here with her. Giving her the support she wished she now had. Yes, she had it all figured out. She even pictured her father walking her down the aisle. Miranda tried to shake the thoughts. She didn't need to go there, not now. Not ever. Ignoring it doesn't make it go away, that inner voice told her. You can still have that dream, It said. 

"No I can't. It's too late!" She screamed inside the empty house. Suddenly, her drink wasn't as appealing anymore and opted for a hot bath instead. 

As she turned the doorknob and entered the small bathroom, an idea popped inside her head. 

Call him the inner voice said. She shook her head, but the thought didn't go away. The voice was persistent this time, refusing to be silenced. In the end, the voice had won and Miranda found herself dialing Joshua's number. 

...

Joshua was lounging around watching nothing in particular on TV when his phone began to ring. His eyes almost popped out of his head when he read the name on the caller ID. 

It can't be. He told himself. The shock quickly wore off and he reached for the phone before she hung up.

"Hello?" He answered. 

"Hi Josh." Miranda spoke. Josh, he hadn't heard that in a while. He missed hearing it almost as much as he missed her. 

"I can't believe you're calling me." He said.

"Neither can I." She said.

"Miranda about what happened. I had nothing to do with it." He explained. Miranda hadn't called for that reason. But it's what he assumed. And since she hadn't answered any of his calls before, he took this as a chance to explain. 

"Oh. Well that's behind me now." She said.

"Good..great." He replied, feeling a rush of relief. Silence came across both sides. Miranda was still kicking herself for calling and Joshua was unsure what to say. He didn't want the call to end, and didn't want to say anything wrong. 

"I miss you." He said at last. He couldn't hold it in anymore. "And I still love you." He said before she could respond. 

I miss you too. Miranda thought. She wouldn't admit it though.

"Joshua. I'm sorry. I don't know why I called." She replied.

"Wait please don't go." He pleaded. Tears began to form in Miranda's eyes. She had to be strong and she had to move on.

"Goodbye Joshua." She said as her voice began to crack and hung up. 

The tears began to fall as she sat up on the tub's edge. She didn't bother wiping them away this time. She felt as though she deserved it. All the pain, all the hurtful memories rushing back was her fault. She opened that door and now it was no closing it. 

"What the hell is wrong with me?" She asked herself. "I wasn't hurt enough so I had to go back for more?!" She yelled. "I'm so stupid." She said. 

...

Joshua was stunned when Miranda ended the call abruptly. He cursed himself as he stared into the phone. He dialed Matt's number. He needed to get all of this off his chest. And who else could he turn to when shit got bad? His best friend, Matt. Matt answered and agreed to meet up with him at the gym. 

Matt got out of his vehicle and spotted Joshua in the corner of the Gym. He hadn't entered yet and appeared to be hiding. Matt nodded at him when Joshua spotted him approaching. 

"Everything okay? I haven't heard from you in a while." Matt asked with concern. Joshua shook his head. He wanted to say yes, but he was tired of lying to himself. Matt thought something was up. He could hear it in his voice over the phone. And now he could see it in his face. However, he knew Joshua probably wasn't up for discussing his business on the street. 

"Let's go inside, blow off some steam." Matt suggested. Joshua nodded and followed him inside. 

Joshua had choose the treadmill despite Matt's protest. Matt hadn't worked out in a while, he was lucky to still have his six pack. 

"Come on old man!" Joshua taunted. Matt flipped him the finger before adjusting the machine's settings. Joshua laughed and sped up. The competitiveness in Matt wouldn't let him be outdone, so he upped his speed as well. 

The two heard an "ouch" and a few choice swear words behind them. Joshua shook his head, thinking about the poor soul who fell. Matt took a quick glance back. That was a big mistake, he lost his balance and fell too.

"Shit!" He yelled heading down. Joshua busted into a fit of laughter as he jumped off his machine to help his friend. 

The two walked off to get a bit of privacy. After Joshua had stopped heckling Matt about his fall, Matt inquired about the real reason for his call. With a sigh, Joshua poured his heart out to his best friend. 

He even told him about his unborn child and moving in with Mimi.

"You just keep digging yourself in deeper huh?" Matt said. Matt felt sorry for his friend, but he wasn't going to sugar coat how he felt. No, he was taking a tough love approach.

"Joshua..dude you can't get back with Miranda if you're shaking up with Mimi." Matt said. 

"I know that!" Joshua exclaimed. He looked around to make sure no one was around after his outburst. His tone didn't phase Matt.

"You do want her back right?" Matt asked. 

"I do..I did. I don't know." Joshua answered. Of course would have automatically rolled off his tongue, but he really thought about the question. He missed her and he did still love her, but was there really any hope for them? Even if luck was in his favor and they were still together, having a baby with someone else would surely change things. And then he remembered why he had ended things. 

"I do, but I know it's never going to happen." Joshua said truthfully. Matt nodded. He knew it took a lot to admit that. He patted him on the shoulder. 

"Have you ever thought about you and Mimi, together?" Matt suddenly inquired. Joshua was taken back to his conversation with Summer. He would be lying if he said no. There were times where he had pictured it. 

"Yeah." Joshua replied.

"Really?" Matt asked, shocked. Joshua nodded.

"She's having my child and we live together." Joshua added. Matt continued to look at him questionably. 

"You..haven't slept with her again right?" Matt asked out of the blue.

"What? No of course not!" Joshua said and shut down that topic. He also kept the fact that they shared a bed a few times to himself. He couldn't believe what was now going through his mind. Just earlier he was pinning over his ex and now he was actually considering being with Mimi? 

"Josh you are having a kid with her, maybe you can give it a shot?" Matt offered. This conversation again reminded him of the one he had with Summer. Did they have a point? Should they try? for their child's sake? for themselves? 

"You know you have a point." He said. 

"I do?" Matt asked. He was only half serious, he didn't think Joshua would seriously consider it.

"Yeah. I have to go." Joshua said before heading to shower and change his clothes. 

**Okay so, I was anti Joshua and Mimi, but I've been tossing the idea around in my head for sometime. I haven't made up my mind as of yet, but I'm sure you can see which side I'm leaning to. Also I thought I'd bring Miranda back since this really is her story lol.