Chapter Twenty-two Farewell Pt 2

Miranda's POV

After our visit to Skylar's grave, we returned back to their home. Timothy went inside to start lunch, while TJ and I sat on the front porch. It was a bit awkward at first considering this was the first time we met and were alone. But in no time the kid let his guard down.
"So you're my sister?" He asked me. I nodded my head in response.
"That's cool. I always wanted a sibling." He admitted.
"Me too actually." I confessed. It had always been just Mae and I and being the only child often sucked.
"You look just like her." TJ said.
"Skylar?" I inquired. It was obvious he was referring to his mom, our mom, whatever.
"Yes. You two could have been twins." He said and giggled a little. I doubt we looked that much alike, but I should really see a picture of her.
"I never thought someone from TV would be my sister." He said changing the subject.
"What do you mean?" I asked.
"Daddy said I wasn't suppose to bring it up, but well I know you're a singer. I've seen you before." He answered. So Timothy did know, I figured as much. I was glad he didn't bring it up though.
"Yeah. I didn't know I had many boy fans." I joked. He shrugged his shoulders. The two of us continued to chat until Timothy announced lunch was ready. I decided to stay and eat with them. I headed home around 8 o'clock.

I grabbed the outfit I had on yesterday when I got home because it was the closest thing in sight and I wanted to get out of my dress. I danced around the idea of reading the diaries and finally decided that I should. I was leaving tomorrow and I wanted to have closure before I stepped on the plane back to Starlight Shores. I noticed that she didn't just have one, but instead it was 3 or 4. She had started keeping a diary just after her 7th birthday. I knew this because her first diary entry was saying that it was her birthday present. The first three weren't very interesting. They didn't offer any answers, only insight to her childhood, but I enjoyed reading them all the same. Before I knew it midnight was fast approaching and I went to shower.

I slipped into my nightgown and went back to read her final diary. I was nervous when I saw this one started in 1990, just two years before I was born. I read through her meeting Alex and the start of  their relationship. Her diary entries stopped just after the two had moved in together. I flipped through to see if she wrote anymore and I was relieved to know that she had.

Dear Diary                                                                                                                                                     June 1992


It's been a while huh? I apologize for that. A lot has happened since the last time we talked. Alex turned out not to be my bright and shinning knight after all, but I rather not think about him now. What's really been weighing on me is Miranda. You don't know who she is, but she's my daughter. Yes Diary, I have a child. Can you believe it? I had a baby. But she isn't here, she's not with me and it kills me everyday. It's been six months. Six months since I gave birth to her and left her with Mae. Not a day goes by that I don't wish she was here in my arms and I was putting her to sleep, or feeding her, bonding with her like a mother should. But I guess this is the price I have to pay for my decision. I just wish it wasn't so hard. 

Dear Diary                                                                                                                                                 November 1992


Diary Thanksgiving is coming up. You know Thanksgiving has always been my favorite holiday. Not only because of the food, but because of family. It's a time of year that you appreciate your family and you enjoy spending time with one another and being in each other's company. This year, Timothy and I will be visiting his family. I don't know if I can handle it. I have met them before and they are real nice people. But my baby isn't here! Miranda isn't here and it's my favorite holiday. I just don't know if I can hold myself together. Pray for me Diary.

Dear Diary                                                                                                                                                    January 1993

It's a new year. It's one of the happiest times of the year because it's a time to start over and be better. But not for me. How can I be better when a part of me is not here? Timothy still doesn't know. And I can't bring myself to tell him. I finally broke and reached out to Mae. I had been avoiding it until I could tell Timothy, but I couldn't stay away anymore. I had to at least know how she was doing. She was very kind and even sent me a picture of her on her birthday. The girl had cake all over her face and she looked like the happiest baby on the planet. It broke my heart because I wasn't there, but at least I had something. That counts right?

I noticed she stopped writing after this for reasons I didn't know. I wanted more though. Did she actually come to see me? What happened after my birthday? I sighed in frustration.

I closed the diary and set it on top of the others and just stared at it. I wish I could make ink appear on the paper that provided me with more answers, but I was no witch and I had no such powers. I stared at the diaries and processed what I read. I came to the conclusion that she did love me. She had to. No one can give their child away and regret it if they didn't care or love them. However, I still didn't know why she did what she did. Timothy and I had came up with theories, mainly Timothy, but they weren't proven right. Did she not want the responsibility? Did she think I may have been Alex's child and she didn't want to see me every single day, reminding me of her? I tried to tell myself that I was loved, I knew it and I should focus on that, but my mind wouldn't let me rest. It persisted on spitting out questions and theories. I had to talk to someone! Anyone. I just needed to hear someone's voice before my head exploded.

I picked up my phone and called the last person on my call list. It was Toby, I had missed his call while I was out. I thought about hanging up but it was too late, he had picked up.

"Hello?" He answered. He sounded tired, exhausted really. I glanced at my phone's time and it read 2 am. Damn it.
"Hello?" He repeated. I could hear the sound of him moving around as if he was trying to sit up.
"It's me, Miranda." I announced. "I didn't know it was that late, I'm sorry."
"Miranda?" He asked. I heard him try to stifle a yawn. "Are you alright?" He asked. That warmed my heart. Here I was interrupting his sleep and he was concerned about me. I guess he figured why else would I call this late.
"I don't know." I answered honestly. I should be okay. I should be happy. I hadn't gotten all of my answers, but I discovered the most important one. But I still felt unsatisfied.
"What's wrong?" He asked. His voice sounded clearer now. Like he was fighting to stay awake and he was alert now.
"Nothing. I just needed to hear a familiar voice." I replied. We continued to talk about nothing in particular. He didn't seem upset about me waking him up either.


The Next Morning

I had went to sleep just before 3 am. I didn't want to bother Toby for too long and I told him to go back to sleep. He gave in after a small protest. I awoke the next morning at 6 am. I was due at the airport around noon, so I had to move fast. I finished packing and called Timothy and TJ to say good-bye. I would have preferred to do this in person, but Timothy had to go to work and TJ had school. So our phone call would have to do until I could come back or fly them out to see me. It was 9: 20 when I was finished and ready to go. But it was one last thing I needed to do before I could return home.

I was able to find the cemetery thanks to my GPS app. I pushed aside my nerves and walked straight up to her headstone. I didn't want to stay quiet for too long or my nerves would get the best of me and I would have ran out of there. I took a deep breath and spoke.
"Hello." I sad softly. I tried to imagine that I wasn't talking to a grave, but instead a real person.
"It's been a while huh?" I said as a sad attempt to make the situation feel lighter.
"You know I imagined meeting you a dozen times when I found out I was adopted." I said. "I imagined it very different though."
"I'm not going to lie, I wanted to hate you. I wanted to be upset with you, but I can't." I went on. "I know now that for whatever reason you gave me up was out of love. You loved me so much that you thought I would be better off with Mae. And you had to love her too or at least trust her. So really I should be thanking you. Thank you for giving me a good mom and a good life and thank you for your sacrifice." I wiped away the tears that begun to fall down my cheek.
"I bet you didn't know I was a big cry baby." I said and laughed softly. "There's something I wanted to give you before I leave."

I kneeled before my mother's grave before going on.
"TJ told me that you used to sing to him. I guess it was another thing I got from you." I said.
"Singing has always been important to me. I often struggled to explain myself, but I found it easier to do through a song. After scrolling through my Ipod on the way over here, I think I found a fitting song." I cleared my throat and prepared to sing a snidbit of Rihanna's Farewell.

Wherever you're going, I wanna go

Wherever you're heading can you let me know

I don't mind catching up, I'm on my way

Just can't take the thought of you miles away

And I know you're going somewhere

To make a better life

I hope that you'll find there

On the first try

And even though it kills me

That you have to go

I know I'll be sadder

If you never hit the road

So farewell

Somebody's gonna miss you

Farewell

Somebody's gonna wish that you were here

That somebody is me

I finished singing the part that I found most fitting and kissed the grave before I departed. I went back to the house I was renting and changed. The owner had dropped by and I returned the keys before I left. 

I got off the plane and went to gather my belongings. I was heading down the stairs to meet my awaiting limo when my eyes nearly popped out of my head. It was Jaq', Emily and Toby. To say I was surprised was an understatement. No one knew I was coming home today except my record label. I guess word got around to Jaq'. 

Before I could ask what they were all doing there, Jaq' picked me up!

"Put me down!" I squealed. Jaq' just laughed. Poor Emily look unsure what to do and Toby stifled a laugh. Jaq' finally allowed my feet to make contact with the ground again.

"We missed you Miranda." He said at last. 

"A hug would have done just fine." I said before playfully slapping him on the arm. 

Emily made her way over to us and gave me a hug.

"See Jaq'? That's how you show someone you miss them." I joked. Emily and I giggled at his expense. 

"We really did miss you. These two were driving me crazy." Emily said.

"We'll I came just in time then." I replied. 

Jaq' and Emily lead the way to the car and Toby finally stepped out of the shadows. 

"Hey." He greeted. 

"Hey." I replied.

"You seem like you're in a better place today. That's good." He said. I nodded. 

"I am and thank you for last night. It really helped." I said genuinely. 

"Don't mention it , what are friends for?" He said and smiled. 

"So we're friends now?" I asked. He shrugged.

"Well that's what I'm hoping for at least." He said. We started to follow Jaq' and Emily again, who were almost out of the airport.

"Friendship. I think I can handle that." 

"Well friend." He started. He paused and held my hand. I didn't protest against it and we picked up our speed, trying to catch up with the other two. "Let's go." He finished. We started to laugh and didn't noticed the paparazzi who had came up behind us.