Chapter Twenty-two: Farewell Part One

Miranda's POV

I couldn't sleep this morning and I haven't been able to since I got to Riverview. I've always had trouble sleeping in new places, but my body would adjust eventually. Anyways today I was tired of my usual routine of laying in bed and staring at the ceiling until I was ready to start my day. I got the bright idea to do some yoga. I don't know how long it's been since I exercised. An image popped in my head of the day of the photo shoot with Toby and the big fight with Joshua. It had been that long.

So here I was, outside when the sun was beginning to rise and stretching.
"Breathe. Just Breathe." I told myself repeatedly. My muscles were fighting against me with each pose I did. I should have warmed up first, but I forgot. I continued to breathe deeply and went on with my yoga stretches. My muscles began to ache and I was getting the feeling that my body wasn't up for much more of this. I sighed and decided to end it before I hurt myself.

I made my way into the kitchen to make myself a cinnamon soy cappuccino. I was about to head over to the dinning table and browse the web, when I heard my phone beep. It was a missed call. I hadn't heard it ring. And when I picked it up, I found out why. I had turned the ringer off yet my notification volume was still on. I dialed my cell number to hear my voice mail and was greeted by Timothy's voice.

"Sorry for calling so early. I hope I'm not waking you. I know our last conversation was a lot for you to handle, It was a lot for me too. That's why I decided to wait a few days before contacting you again. But if you're not busy today then I'd like for you to come by the house. Call me when you get this message" And then the automated system asked if I wanted to save, delete it or go on to the next. I simply hung up the phone. I sipped on my coffee and thought about rather I should go or not. I decided I should so I showered and got dressed before heading out.

I reached their house in less than ten minutes. I felt a little uneasy ringing the doorbell since the last time I was told to never come back. This time I was greeted with a hello and a warm smile. I shot him a small smile back before following him into the kitchen.

"Thank you for coming by." He started. I just nodded my head.
"How have you been?" He asked.
"I've been alright I suppose." I answered.
"Good Good." He replied. Well this is awkward. I thought to myself. I began to pick nervously at my nails or the parts that was left at least. He looked down at the table as if he was nervous as well. He cleared his throat and finally begin to speak again.
"I spoke to TJ and explained everything to him. He took it quite well." He said. TJ was the little boy I had seen I assumed. I wondered how old he was, but I didn't ask. I didn't know what he expected me to say to that so again I nodded.
"Are you okay?" He asked. I looked up at him and he actually looked concerned. Inside my head I smiled.
"I'm sorry. I just don't know what to say." I responded truthfully.
"I understand." He said.

"TJ, he's your son right?" I inquired. I don't know why I asked, it was obvious. But it was the only thing I could think of.
"Yes. He's at school right now, but I know he'd love to meet you." He replied.
"That'd be nice." I said.
"Do you have any questions about your mother?" He asked suddenly. Did I? Of course I did. But what should I ask? I pondered the question for a moment. The most important question was why did she give me up? but I don't think I'll be getting that answer.
"How did she die?" I asked finally. I hoped he didn't think it was inappropriate for me to ask. Maybe I shouldn't have asked that. I was going to tell him he didn't have to answer the question when he began to speak.

Timothy's POV

"I figured we'd have to discuss that sooner or later. She had Breast Cancer. She was diagnosed with it two years ago. Thankfully she'd caught it early by getting a mammogram. They were able to stop it before it spread any further. But earlier this year we were hit with one stressful situation after the next. Her father had died of a heart attack and she'd lost her job. It was just all hitting the fan at one time it seemed. She tried to not stress out about it all, she really did. But she couldn't fight it anymore and she had a huge breakdown. It went downhill from there. She began to stop exercising regularly and eating right.  I told her that I would help her. I'd run with her and cook if she wanted, but she just shot me down every time.

Around March of this year she was doing a self exam and said she felt a lump. She tried to say it was nothing, but I urged her to see the Doctor. She did and our fears were confirmed. We thought she still had a fighting chance though. She started Chemotherapy right away. It was going good, but in late July it seemed to just stop working. The doctor suggested getting a lumpectomy before it got too late. Unfortunately the cancer was progressing too rapidly. He then suggested a Mastectomy or getting both her breast removed. It was a tough decision but she decided to have to have both of her breast removed to prevent it from coming back a third time.

The day before surgery she wanted to talk to me. By the tone of her voice, I knew it was serious. I remember she had waited until TJ had fallen asleep. I don't know why I took note of that but I did. She was in bed and she looked tired. More tired than usual and just completely drained. I could tell I wouldn't like whatever it was she had to tell me. She told me to sit next to her and she held onto my hand when I did.

"You know I love you and TJ more than anything." She had said. I replied by giving her a knowing nod and kissing her hand softly.
"And I've been fighting for us. For our family." She continued.
"Where are you going with this Skylar?" I remember asking her. I hardly called her Skylar.
"Baby. I can't keep fighting this. I feel like I'm just losing at the end anyways." She told me. I was shocked. I let go of her hand and gave her a look of disbelief. I didn't want to hear the rest of what she was going to tell me. I didn't have to look up at her, I could just feel the pain she felt when I did that, but she didn't let it deter her.
"I'm losing Tim. And before it gets any worse, I want to enjoy my life. I want to leave you two with some good memories of me." She had explained.
"So you're just giving up? Skylar have faith. Please." I had begged. She couldn't give up. I needed her, TJ needed her.
"I'm not giving up. I'm accepting my fate and I wish you would too. I'm not doing the surgery. I just..I want you to let me go." She replied.
"No!" I recall yelling at her. "It's not your fate, you're just afraid. It'll be okay. The surgery will be fine." I encouraged.
"And what if it is? And then what? It can come back. How long do I have to fight this? How long must I put my family through this?" She said.
"Your mama just lost your daddy. You want her to lose you too?" I had asked. It was low. It was wrong of me and I regret saying it to this day. But It was my final hope. She had looked away to wipe the tears that started to fall.
"I'm not doing it. Let me go." She repeated. And that was that. She ended the conversation and I didn't try to bring it up again.

I had let her go. Because I loved her that much and I would do anything she asked. Even if it meant she had to leave us. She had stopped Chemo completely and taking any medication she was on. She spent every waking moment with her family. Well about two weeks later, our happiness came to an end. The doctor had told us it began to spread through her body. They wanted to hospitalize her, but she refused. She wanted to die at home and not around strangers. All of us begrudgingly agreed. And August 20th we laid her to rest."

MIRANDA'S POV

He had finished telling me how she died. My heart broke for him. All the pain he just had to relive.
"I'm sorry. I shouldn't have asked." I apologized. I felt just awful for asking him that question now.
"You deserved to know." He replied softly.

"Will you excuse me for a moment?" He said. I could hear his voice breaking and I knew he was fighting the tears. I nodded and watched him retreat to the bathroom. I wanted to follow him. Maybe give him a hug, but I remained seated.

He returned carrying books under his arm. I looked up at him and noted he was still teary-eyed and then back down at the books he placed in front of me. I noticed the word "Diary" engraved on top of one book.
"What's this?" I asked.
"They belonged to your mother. I found them last night." He answered.
"Did you read them?" I asked. He shook his head.
"I promised her I never would. But that doesn't mean you can't. I want you to have them and hopefully you can get the answers that you're looking for." He replied.
"Are you sure?" I asked. I didn't feel right taking them. They were obviously special to her and I felt like I didn't deserve them.
"Yes. I'm sure she'd want you to have them as well." He said.

I got up. I walked over to him and gave him a hug. I thought he'd be resistant at first, but he wasn't. He returned my hug like it was the most normal thing in the word. It felt nice. It felt..real. I pulled away and thanked him for the diary's and promised to take good care of them. Before I left he had told me that him and TJ planned to visit Skylar's grave tomorrow and asked if I wanted to come along. I didn't want to. I didn't belong, it was a family thing. And even though these people were more than likely my family, it just didn't seem right. He sensed my reluctance and explained that he wanted me there. I could't say no after that. I agreed before leaving.

                       _________________________________________________________________________________

 The next day I was up at sunrise again. I skipped Yoga and headed straight to the shower. To pass time, I browsed the internet. I couldn't but help to check the gossip sites and even TMZ. Thankfully, someone else was the new victim and I didn't come across my name not once. Before I knew it, it was a little after eight. I was suppose to meet them around 9, so I quickly ate a bowl of cereal then got dressed.



I reached their home at 8:55 a.m. I apologized for being late, but Timothy brushed it off. TJ stared at me when I slide into the back of the truck. It was like meeting Timothy all over again, except I wasn't told to leave. We quietly drove to the cemetery. The only words spoken was the introductions Timothy made. TJ gave me a genuine smile then so I returned it. Before I knew it, we had reached our destination.

No one moved yet. Timothy seemed stuck in his seat and I could tell TJ wasn't ready to be here. And I was just lost as ever. Timothy cleared his throat.
"Let's go." He said and he took the keys out of the ignition and started for the cemetery's gate. TJ hopped out next and I followed suit. A sick feeling crept across me. I hated cemetery's.  I always had the feeling that I was walking over dead people. And technically I was. I took deep breaths and followed Timothy's lead. He stopped in front of a grave near a big tree. TJ stopped just short of him. I stood beside TJ and watched Timothy kneel before the grave.

He spoke softly so I didn't know exactly what he was saying. I didn't try to really hear him though. I felt like he wanted a moment with his wife and so I respectively tuned him out. TJ stood rigidly beside me. I could see tears forming in his eyes. And that sight started the water works inside of me. It was clear that they all loved one another. And it would be a long time for them to get over losing Skylar. I reached down to squeeze his shoulders gently. He looked up and smiled through his tears. I smiled back at him. Timothy was done talking and kissed the headstone before turning towards us.

To Be Continued..