Chapter Twenty-Five: Team Player

After the day I was having, I needed a break. And that is why I jumped on Toby's offer to hang out at the beach. I even skipped a session at the studio. I mean if Janet was going to have it her way then I was wasting my time there anyways. She probably already had everything planned to the T and would just throw away everything that I was working on.

I arrived at the beach to find Toby lounging on shore and watching the waves. In that moment I envied him, he looked so peaceful. I walked up beside him and said hello. He jumped a little out of surprise, but quickly recovered. 

"Miranda!" Toby exclaimed and pulled me into a hug. I gave him a soft squeeze back. He had been away in London cleaning out his old house and had just recently returned.

"I missed you." I told him. 

"I missed you too." He replied. 

"How have you been?" He asked. I shrugged my shoulders. I hadn't had the best day, but I didn't want to give him a play by play right now.

"It's been alright I suppose, but I rather not get into that right now." I answered. He nodded his head understandingly. 

We walked by over to the lounge chairs and sat down. I just noticed that Toby had cut his hair. 

"You cut your hair?" I said. He ran a hand through it before smiling.

"Yeah I did, what do you think?" He asked. I tilted my head back and forth to get a really good look at his new hair cut. It wasn't bad, but I preferred it longer. 

"It's alright." I answered. 

"I didn't like it either at first, but It's been growing on me lately." He said with a shrug.

"So how was London? Was it bittersweet?" I inquired. 

"No not at all. I mean London has ran it's course. I felt like I've done everything I could do as far as my career is concern. So no, I was ready to come back to the States." He responded. 

"But it's been your home for a while." I countered. 

"True, but I never wanted my stay there to be permanent." He said. 

Toby looked at me like he could tell I was holding something back, he had began to read me so well. 

"What is it?" I asked. 

"Somethings wrong." He stated. I looked away to avoid his gaze. 

"You can tell me Miranda." He said softly. With a sigh I told him how I had ran into Joshua and then about my meeting with the demon from hell.  He listened intently and waited until I was done before commenting.

"Sounds like you had an eventful day." He said at last. I nodded my head.

"So you think he's still not over you?" He asked. Of course he'd ask about that first. I laughed to myself. 

"I don't know.. I hope he is, for his family's sake." I replied.

"Well I kinda can't blame the guy. I'm sure getting over you wouldn't be so easy." Toby said. He winked at me and I blushed. 

"I can see I still make you blush." He joked, "But seriously, who cares if he is or not, as long as you're moving on with your life then that's all you should be concerned with." We talked a bit more, he advised me to not let Janet get to me. 

"Toby?" I said.

"Yeah?" He answered. I looked over at the water. It'd had been forever since I went for a swim and thanks to Starlight Shores weather, it was still pretty warm outside.

"Wanna go for a swim?" I asked. He shot his eyebrow up at me.

"What?" He said with a laugh.

"Come on." I said and started towards the ocean. 

*I wanted to include this so Miranda's day didn't end on a bad note. And who better than Toby to make sure of that? :)

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The next day I slept in for the first time since my trip to Riverview. I had cancelled another Studio secession that morning much to Jaq's annoyance. He texted me to ask what was going on and I replied in one word : Janet. He said that Wayne mentioned her and he did his research on her. She was a bitch, but she got the job done or at least that's what he gathered. He told me to try to be positive and just give it a shot. I agreed. I had nothing to lose, if I didn't like her ideas no one could force me to agree with them. 

I arrived at the address Janet gave me around 2:45 pm. I had a feeling she'd complain about that, but I'd just have to deal with it. I walked down the hallway in the direction that the secretary had pointed me to. I spotted an unknown woman speaking to Janet. 

Oh God I thought. She looked like a blonde tattooed version of Snooki. Janet caught sight of me and their conversation abruptly ended. 

Janet stepped to the side and put her hand on her hip. I could tell she disapproved of my attire and I loved seeing the look on her face. If I was going to be dressed up like a damn barbie doll, then I would enjoy wearing my own comfortable clothes for one last time.
"You're late." Was as Janet could muster.
"Sorry I lost track of time." I lied. I resist the urge to roll my eyes as I turned my attention to the woman who I assumed was now my stylist.

She stuck her hand out to greet me and I accepted.
"It's nice to meet you!" The woman exclaimed. "I love your music by the way." She commented.
"Thank you, It's always nice to meet a fan, what's your name?" I asked.
"Lacey. Lacey Andrews." She answered.
"Feel free to call me Miranda." I replied. She smiled.

"Well Janet tells me you have a concert coming up and need to be styled for it. She also mentioned that you're debuting a new song." Lacey explained. This was all news to me.
"What?" I said a little too aggressively and turned to Janet.
"I guess your manager failed to relay the information to you." Janet replied and all of a sudden her nails demanded her attention. "I will wait out here" She announced and slithered to the couch.

"Yes we should get started." Lacey said and motioned for me to follow her. I threw Janet one more glare, but she wasn't even looking.

We made our way to the room in front of us.

She shut the door behind us. I looked around the room curiously. It had a bench to my left, a mirrored section in front of me, clothes hung on the walls and a few pictures here and there.

"Janet tells me your new song is going to be really edgy, unlike anything you've done so far." She said.
"Yes I bet she did." I replied.
"I picked out outfits for you to choose from, all Janet approved." She said. "When you've made your decision just walk out there and show us ok?" She said. I nodded my head. She smiled before leaving and closing the door behind her. I grabbed the first outfit and began to change.
Remember, be a team player Randa I told myself.

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So here are her five outfit choices. The one she picks will be revealed later on.

 

What do you guys think? I realized now that I really should have re-did the last one lol.

Chapter Twenty-four: Dilemma

Mimi's POV 

I couldn't believe my eyes as I watched the exchange between Miranda and Joshua. I couldn't hear what they were saying, but I could read their body language loud and clear. Miranda's back was turned to me, but she kept trying to go around Joshua. She wanted to leave and have nothing to do with him. But Josh on the other hand, wouldn't let her.
What is he doing? I thought. He looked up at me and could see that I was witnessing all of this. He looked shocked and as if he was busted.
Why does he look so guilty? I thought. I needed to know what was going on. I started to head outside, but he finally let her go. The look on his face said he dreaded entering the house. My heart began to beat rapidly as I walked around to meet him. I didn't want to fight with him, but I couldn't let this go. No, confrontation was coming and it was no doubt about it.

I made my way around the dinning room table just in time to prevent him from ascending upstairs. The joy in his eyes was gone. Instead he looked defeated, as if he had just lose something he loved all over again. He just stood in front of me as I tried to will myself to speak.
"Josh?" I said in a shaking voice. His eyes looked up at me. He didn't speak, but the gesture said he was listening. I let out a breath of air, hoping the shakiness would go with it.
"What happened out there?" I asked and tilted my head to the right. His eyes followed the direction and he then shrugged.
"Nothing." He replied. I crossed my arms over my chest. I hope that my appearance showed that I was standing my ground, or trying to.
"Josh we both know that is a lie. What happened?" I repeated.
"Mimi I said nothing happened, I was only catching up with her." He answered.
"No Josh, that wasn't catching up. It was way more than that!" I shouted. I could feel my anger building up. My heart rate increased to match it, but I didn't care.
"Mimi calm down." Joshua said and tried to reach out to me. I pushed his arms away. I wanted to slap him, punch him, I wanted him to feel how he just hurt me.

Joshua's face suddenly looked very pissed off. Like a parent dealing with a disobedient child. He inched closer to me with a stern look upon his face. The next thing I knew was, he grabbed my left arm to block my assault and his left hand was balled up tightly in a fist. My anger instantly vanished and was replaced with absolute terror.
"I wasn't asking you Mimi. I said calm the fuck down, now!" He shouted through clenched teeth. I nodded my head as tears began to form in my eyes.
"If I said it was nothing why can't you believe me?!" He continued.
"I'm with you damn it! So let go of the jealously or insecurities. I will not have this conversation with you again." He screamed. Again, all I could do was nod.

His face began to soften and he looked remorseful. Regret spread all over his face. And like that, Dr. Jekyll was gone and Joshua had returned.

"Crap, Mimi I didn't mean to yell. I'm sorry." He began apologizing. I brought my hand to my mouth to silence the gasping tears that wanted to escape. I had never been so scared in my entire life. I really thought he'd hit me. And what about the baby? How could I have protected her?
"Mimi I just lost it for a second. I wouldn't have done anything. You know that right?" He asked. He genuinely sounded sorry. I remained silent. He pulled me into his embrace gently. He rubbed my back and tried to console me.
"Calm down, please. Don't be upset." He cooed. My body shook as the tears kept spilling out. His anger didn't return, but it didn't matter. I was still afraid.

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Miranda's POV 

I was waiting in the parking lot of the Record Label's building. Finally, I shut off my car and exited it.

I spotted Diana, the secretary, behind the desk. She greeted me warmly. She was a nice woman who had been working there for about a year now. I returned her hello.
"Is Wayne waiting on me?" I asked referring to the record executive and the CEO of the label. Diana nodded.
"Yes, and heads up, he's not alone." Diana replied.
Not alone? I thought. Who else would be in there? I wondered. I thanked her for her tip before heading into the meeting room.

Diana was right. Wayne certainly wasn't alone. I glanced over at the woman sitting near him. I had no idea who she was. Wayne got up to give me a quick hug and returned to his seat. I tried to extend my hand to the woman, but she didn't accept. I masked my annoyance and took my seat. Wayne explained that she didn't shake hands, she was OCD or something.

"You look well." Wayne commented. I hadn't seen him since before my "vacation". He had arranged for me to come back, but he was on vacation himself. During my time back I was in the studio with Jaq' and T working on a new album.
"Thank you. I'm in a much better head space now." I replied.
"Good Good. This is Janet by the way, Janet Morrison. She will be joining the label." He explained. Joining? Wasn't she a little too old to start a career in singing? Was my first thought, but I kept that to myself.
"She will be helping us out here, helping artist like yourself." He finished.

"Helping?" I asked. He needed to elaborate.
"Yes, helping. She'll be giving you guys tips to stay on top. You know, so you can keep up with up and coming competition." He answered. His answer did nothing for my confusion. I still was lost.

"I'll be helping some more than others." The woman spoke. I could tell she was directing that at me.
"Miranda dear, let's face it. You're falling."
"Excuse me?" I interrupted.
"I said you are falling. Sure your music is still popular with the younger crowd, but what about people your own age? It's not doing so well. You need to change my dear if you want to keep your spot in this industry." Janet said harshly. I could tell she wasn't one to sugar coat things, and I think this was her way of going easy on me. Before I could get a word out, she continued.
"Believe it or not, that break up was the best thing that could have happen to you. You gained sympathy fans. But that will only be short lived." She said.

"How could you say something like that?" I said at last. I didn't know this woman from gum on the street and here she was critiquing my life. What gave her the right?
"She has a point Miranda." Wayne interjected. "Miranda times are changing and what worked for you two years ago, is getting old." He said. I couldn't believe what I was hearing, but I said nothing.

"Your music has to change, you looks need an upgrade, and your approach to the paparazzi needs to change as well. You keep preaching the same message, all of this inspirational mumbo jumbo, but that's what gospel music is for. You are suppose to be a mix between Pop and R&B so act like it. Sing about love, heart-ache, pain; things people can related to." Janet said.

"I'm sorry, but I'm trying to be a role model here. Young people need that. They don't need to hear me singing about pain and money and drugs. I'll leave that to other people. No, I'm proud of what I do." I defended. This woman was not about to make me the next Rihanna or Nicki Minaj, it's enough wannabe's out there as it is.

"I wasn't asking your opinion. I am telling you what you will do if you want to work with this label." Janet stated.

Forget this. I couldn't hold my tongue back any longer.
"And just who might you be? What gives you the right to tell me anything?!" I shouted.
"I am the one who controls your fate here. You will do as I say or you can leave. And if you do, I will have you black listed in this industry so fast, you wouldn't even have time to blink." She answered smugly. I wanted to smack that smug look right off her face, but Wayne was looking at me in a way that said I better not try anything. I remained quiet.

"Thought so. You have a meeting with me and your new stylist tomorrow at 3 p.m. Don't be late." She said. I said nothing as I stood to leave. I knew I wasn't going to stand for this, but I was done giving that woman the time of day.
"It would be wise of you to arrive early." She shouted as I touched the doorknob.

Diana bid me good-bye as I left the meeting room.
"Bye Diana." I replied. It was no reason for me to take my anger out on her.

Chapter Twenty-Three: Making Amends

This is 2 months since Miranda has come back. Let's say it's around December..

Joshua had been working at his new job for two months now and he was loving it. It was on the other side of Starlight Shores and the paparazzi weren't as bad there. He could work without fear of being stalked or getting fired. His boss was pretty nice too. He even got a bonus when he started, because he was so good at his job. The only reason the lab let him go is because of the paparazzi issue, but he was good at what he did. He was able to get a loan from the bank to buy a nice house close to his job.

Mimi loved coming into the nursery. It made her feel calm and as if she had no worries in the world. And her mind needed to be at ease when her due date quickly approaching. Joshua tried to get her to sign up for some Lamaze classes, but she declined. She still felt too ashamed and embarrass to leave the house. She only left if it was necessary, such as doctor appointments and grocery shopping. Plus she didn't see why she needed to breathe around other women. She could do that from her home. Joshua chalked it up to her being nervous and just dropped the subject.

"What's wrong?" Joshua asked as he slipped his arms around her and placed them on her belly. Mimi wasn't startled because she had heard him enter the room. She shrugged her shoulders and continued to look at the crib.
"This still amazes me. I can't believe we're going to be parents." Mimi said. Joshua noticed she was changing the topic, but didn't mention it.
"Me either, but I'm excited. I've always imagined having a lot of kids." Joshua replied.
"Really? I never really thought about having kids. My mind was always stuck on owning my own restaurant." Mimi said. Joshua knew Mimi missed working. Sometimes he wondered if she was only having the baby because if she didn't it'd go against her religion and her parent's would be even more pissed. He also thought she'd resent the baby as she grew up, faulting her for having to give up her dream. But maybe he was over thinking.

"You can still have all of that." He stated as he kissed her softly on the cheek. Mimi merely nodded as if she didn't believe him.

Mimi broke their embrace and turned to leave, but Joshua was blocking her exit.
"Where are you going?" He inquired. Mimi sighed.
"We need to talk." She replied. Those four deadly words. Joshua's mind went into a frenzy with worry. She pushed past him and opened the door. He followed her.

Mimi entered their bedroom and motioned for Joshua to take a seat. He raised his eyebrow up at her in confusion. Shouldn't she be sitting down? He thought. Mimi looked down as she thought about what she was going to say. She took a deep breath before opening her mouth to speak.
"I should have told you this a while ago, but I kept it to myself. I went to see Miranda." She confessed. Miranda? Why? When? He thought. She put her hand up signalling for him to let her continue.
"I wanted to tell her my side of the story too. You got to, so why shouldn't I? Anyways it didn't turn out so well. She practically chewed me out, but I deserved that." Mimi continued. "I was upset for a while. I probably had no right to be, but I was. I felt as if she didn't hear me out at all." Mimi said. She looked up briefly but still avoided Joshua's eyes.

"Why are you telling me this now?" Joshua asked.
"Because she contacted me a few days ago. She wants to talk.." Mimi answered.

Joshua slummed further into the couch.
"I don't think you should." Joshua said. "You just have to let it go."
"Why not? I think it'll be good for the both of us." Mimi said a bit defensively. She all but crossed her arms. How could he tell her not to do something? He didn't own her.
"I didn't mean it that way. I just don't think it's a good idea." Joshua explained. Mimi shook her head.
"She's coming over today." Mimi replied. She had already made her mind up and Joshua wasn't going to change that.

Joshua could see that Mimi was resolute in her decision. He fought the topic no longer. 

"I'm sorry baby. I just want you to be careful." He said as he got up. Mimi nodded. She understood his concern, but Miranda just wanted to talk, and hopefully hear her out this time.

"I know." Mimi said before allowing him to pull her into a hug. Joshua glanced over at the clock on the night stand. He had to leave for work.

"I have to go." He said. Mimi gave him a quick kiss before saying good-bye. 

Mimi was about to start breakfast when she heard the doorbell ring. It was barely 9 a.m. She hadn't expected Miranda to arrive this early. She shut the refrigerator after putting the eggs back inside. 

She opened the door to find Miranda staring back at her. She gave her a small smile. Mimi returned it and looked down. She had a bag in her hands. 

"Hello." Miranda said.

"Hey come on in." Mimi said and stepped aside. Miranda entered the home and walked towards the dinning room area. 

Miranda handed Mimi the bag in her hand. Mimi thanked her and sat it on the table before telling her to take a seat.
"You have a nice home." Miranda said.
"Thank you." Mimi replied. She didn't mention that it was actually Joshua's place. "So how have you been?" Mimi asked.
"I've been good. It's been a while since I could say that without lying." Miranda answered. Mimi nodded.
"How about you, how's the baby?" Miranda inquired. Mimi rubbed her belly.
"We're good, any day now she should be making her debut into the world." Mimi answered.


"You know I was surprised when you called me. I thought you'd never want to speak to me again." Mimi said turning the conversation to the real topic.
"A couple of months ago and I wouldn't have." Miranda said honestly. "But I've come to realize I have to forgive in order to move on. And Mimi, I forgive you." Miranda said. She finally said it. She was accepting her apology, but it still felt unreal.
"Thank you." Mimi said.
"You don't need to thank me. It's not about you or Joshua or the affair. It's about me. I'm trying to become a better person and I can't do that by living in the past." Miranda explained. She wasn't trying to sound selfish or anything, but it may have came off that way.
"Well I'm still grateful that you have forgiven me."

"But Mimi you need to forgive yourself too." Miranda commented. She could tell that she hadn't and probably wasn't going to. Mimi didn't respond right away.
"You have to. It's no point of feeling guilty anymore." Miranda added. She has a point Mimi thought. And maybe she could now that Miranda had forgiven her.
"You're right." was all Mimi could voice.

"I should probably get going." Miranda said before the awkward silence took over.
"Miranda?" Mimi said.
"Yeah?" Miranda said as she started to stand.
"Do you think that we could ever be friends again?" Mimi said. The hope glimmered in her eyes. She had missed Miranda. Missed sharing secrets with her and talking about nonsense. And it killed her that she couldn't enjoy her pregnancy with her best friend.
Miranda was unsure how to respond. She slide the chair under the table and thought about how she should answer Mimi.
"Mimi.. she sighed. "This is a process you know? Forgiving is one thing, but rekindling our friendship is another." Miranda stated. "I'm just not there yet. I don't know if I will ever be, but we can be civil if we happen to run into each other." Miranda finished. Mimi looked disappointed, but maybe she was expecting too much.
"I hope you understand." Miranda said before leaving.

Miranda had walked down the stairs and was heading to her car when she spotted Joshua. Great She thought. She was trying to fish her car keys out of her purse and prepare to make a run for it. Unfortunately, she was too slow. Joshua had made his way up to her.
"Um Hi Joshua." She greeted.
"Hey Miranda." He replied. He had forgotten his ID card. When he returned home, he saw an unknown car in the driveway, but didn't want to go inside. He knew it was Miranda. He circled around the neighborhood a bit, but it was still there. She hadn't left yet. He resigned and decided to just run in quickly and come back out. His timing couldn't have been more wrong however. As soon as he stepped out of his car, Miranda was walking out of the house.

"Funny running into you." He joked lamely. Miranda forced a "ha ha" out of pity.
"I guess so, but I was just leaving." Miranda said. She attempted to walk around him, but he just followed her.
"How have you been? You look nice." He said. She really did look nice, especially in that outfit. For a moment he had forgotten all about Mimi.
"I've been good." Miranda said. She didn't want to talk to him, but it looked like he wasn't taking a hint.
"Good Good. I'm glad to hear that." Joshua replied. He looked left and noticed Mimi was watching from the window. That brought him back to reality.
"I have to go. Now. I have a meeting." Miranda said. If he wouldn't take the hint, she would just have to be blunt.

"Good-bye Joshua." Miranda said before walking away. He looked hurt.
"Wait." He said. Again, he blocked her from leaving. She kept her frustrated sigh to herself. She shot her brows up at him, as if saying What now?
"The last time we spoke, we never to talk about that." He replied. Really? Miranda thought. That was over two months ago and he was just now bringing that up. Joshua knew he was grasping in the dark here, but he didn't care. He just didn't want her to leave.
"I told you that was a mistake. And I don't know what you expect me to say by bringing that up." Miranda answered. "Besides, you're engaged and expecting a child. If you think for a second you have a shot, then you are wrong. Very wrong. That ship has sailed and crashed Joshua. Move on." She said firmly. And with that she left. He didn't bother to stop her this time. Joshua felt stupid. He had just made a fool of himself and for what? For nothing. He shook his head before heading inside. He just knew Mimi would have something to say about what just transpired. She didn't have to hear what they said. His attempt at keeping her there said enough. And then a thought hit him, How did she know Mimi and him were engaged?

*If there are some grammatical errors here, I'm aware of them. I just can't edit it right now. When I try to delete something or press backspace it'll delete something that I want to keep. I hate when that happens. I tried to publish and then edit, but it still isn't working. I'll have to try again later. So if you read it and still see mistakes just bear with me.

Chapter Twenty-two Farewell Pt 2

Miranda's POV

After our visit to Skylar's grave, we returned back to their home. Timothy went inside to start lunch, while TJ and I sat on the front porch. It was a bit awkward at first considering this was the first time we met and were alone. But in no time the kid let his guard down.
"So you're my sister?" He asked me. I nodded my head in response.
"That's cool. I always wanted a sibling." He admitted.
"Me too actually." I confessed. It had always been just Mae and I and being the only child often sucked.
"You look just like her." TJ said.
"Skylar?" I inquired. It was obvious he was referring to his mom, our mom, whatever.
"Yes. You two could have been twins." He said and giggled a little. I doubt we looked that much alike, but I should really see a picture of her.
"I never thought someone from TV would be my sister." He said changing the subject.
"What do you mean?" I asked.
"Daddy said I wasn't suppose to bring it up, but well I know you're a singer. I've seen you before." He answered. So Timothy did know, I figured as much. I was glad he didn't bring it up though.
"Yeah. I didn't know I had many boy fans." I joked. He shrugged his shoulders. The two of us continued to chat until Timothy announced lunch was ready. I decided to stay and eat with them. I headed home around 8 o'clock.

I grabbed the outfit I had on yesterday when I got home because it was the closest thing in sight and I wanted to get out of my dress. I danced around the idea of reading the diaries and finally decided that I should. I was leaving tomorrow and I wanted to have closure before I stepped on the plane back to Starlight Shores. I noticed that she didn't just have one, but instead it was 3 or 4. She had started keeping a diary just after her 7th birthday. I knew this because her first diary entry was saying that it was her birthday present. The first three weren't very interesting. They didn't offer any answers, only insight to her childhood, but I enjoyed reading them all the same. Before I knew it midnight was fast approaching and I went to shower.

I slipped into my nightgown and went back to read her final diary. I was nervous when I saw this one started in 1990, just two years before I was born. I read through her meeting Alex and the start of  their relationship. Her diary entries stopped just after the two had moved in together. I flipped through to see if she wrote anymore and I was relieved to know that she had.

Dear Diary                                                                                                                                                     June 1992


It's been a while huh? I apologize for that. A lot has happened since the last time we talked. Alex turned out not to be my bright and shinning knight after all, but I rather not think about him now. What's really been weighing on me is Miranda. You don't know who she is, but she's my daughter. Yes Diary, I have a child. Can you believe it? I had a baby. But she isn't here, she's not with me and it kills me everyday. It's been six months. Six months since I gave birth to her and left her with Mae. Not a day goes by that I don't wish she was here in my arms and I was putting her to sleep, or feeding her, bonding with her like a mother should. But I guess this is the price I have to pay for my decision. I just wish it wasn't so hard. 

Dear Diary                                                                                                                                                 November 1992


Diary Thanksgiving is coming up. You know Thanksgiving has always been my favorite holiday. Not only because of the food, but because of family. It's a time of year that you appreciate your family and you enjoy spending time with one another and being in each other's company. This year, Timothy and I will be visiting his family. I don't know if I can handle it. I have met them before and they are real nice people. But my baby isn't here! Miranda isn't here and it's my favorite holiday. I just don't know if I can hold myself together. Pray for me Diary.

Dear Diary                                                                                                                                                    January 1993

It's a new year. It's one of the happiest times of the year because it's a time to start over and be better. But not for me. How can I be better when a part of me is not here? Timothy still doesn't know. And I can't bring myself to tell him. I finally broke and reached out to Mae. I had been avoiding it until I could tell Timothy, but I couldn't stay away anymore. I had to at least know how she was doing. She was very kind and even sent me a picture of her on her birthday. The girl had cake all over her face and she looked like the happiest baby on the planet. It broke my heart because I wasn't there, but at least I had something. That counts right?

I noticed she stopped writing after this for reasons I didn't know. I wanted more though. Did she actually come to see me? What happened after my birthday? I sighed in frustration.

I closed the diary and set it on top of the others and just stared at it. I wish I could make ink appear on the paper that provided me with more answers, but I was no witch and I had no such powers. I stared at the diaries and processed what I read. I came to the conclusion that she did love me. She had to. No one can give their child away and regret it if they didn't care or love them. However, I still didn't know why she did what she did. Timothy and I had came up with theories, mainly Timothy, but they weren't proven right. Did she not want the responsibility? Did she think I may have been Alex's child and she didn't want to see me every single day, reminding me of her? I tried to tell myself that I was loved, I knew it and I should focus on that, but my mind wouldn't let me rest. It persisted on spitting out questions and theories. I had to talk to someone! Anyone. I just needed to hear someone's voice before my head exploded.

I picked up my phone and called the last person on my call list. It was Toby, I had missed his call while I was out. I thought about hanging up but it was too late, he had picked up.

"Hello?" He answered. He sounded tired, exhausted really. I glanced at my phone's time and it read 2 am. Damn it.
"Hello?" He repeated. I could hear the sound of him moving around as if he was trying to sit up.
"It's me, Miranda." I announced. "I didn't know it was that late, I'm sorry."
"Miranda?" He asked. I heard him try to stifle a yawn. "Are you alright?" He asked. That warmed my heart. Here I was interrupting his sleep and he was concerned about me. I guess he figured why else would I call this late.
"I don't know." I answered honestly. I should be okay. I should be happy. I hadn't gotten all of my answers, but I discovered the most important one. But I still felt unsatisfied.
"What's wrong?" He asked. His voice sounded clearer now. Like he was fighting to stay awake and he was alert now.
"Nothing. I just needed to hear a familiar voice." I replied. We continued to talk about nothing in particular. He didn't seem upset about me waking him up either.


The Next Morning

I had went to sleep just before 3 am. I didn't want to bother Toby for too long and I told him to go back to sleep. He gave in after a small protest. I awoke the next morning at 6 am. I was due at the airport around noon, so I had to move fast. I finished packing and called Timothy and TJ to say good-bye. I would have preferred to do this in person, but Timothy had to go to work and TJ had school. So our phone call would have to do until I could come back or fly them out to see me. It was 9: 20 when I was finished and ready to go. But it was one last thing I needed to do before I could return home.

I was able to find the cemetery thanks to my GPS app. I pushed aside my nerves and walked straight up to her headstone. I didn't want to stay quiet for too long or my nerves would get the best of me and I would have ran out of there. I took a deep breath and spoke.
"Hello." I sad softly. I tried to imagine that I wasn't talking to a grave, but instead a real person.
"It's been a while huh?" I said as a sad attempt to make the situation feel lighter.
"You know I imagined meeting you a dozen times when I found out I was adopted." I said. "I imagined it very different though."
"I'm not going to lie, I wanted to hate you. I wanted to be upset with you, but I can't." I went on. "I know now that for whatever reason you gave me up was out of love. You loved me so much that you thought I would be better off with Mae. And you had to love her too or at least trust her. So really I should be thanking you. Thank you for giving me a good mom and a good life and thank you for your sacrifice." I wiped away the tears that begun to fall down my cheek.
"I bet you didn't know I was a big cry baby." I said and laughed softly. "There's something I wanted to give you before I leave."

I kneeled before my mother's grave before going on.
"TJ told me that you used to sing to him. I guess it was another thing I got from you." I said.
"Singing has always been important to me. I often struggled to explain myself, but I found it easier to do through a song. After scrolling through my Ipod on the way over here, I think I found a fitting song." I cleared my throat and prepared to sing a snidbit of Rihanna's Farewell.

Wherever you're going, I wanna go

Wherever you're heading can you let me know

I don't mind catching up, I'm on my way

Just can't take the thought of you miles away

And I know you're going somewhere

To make a better life

I hope that you'll find there

On the first try

And even though it kills me

That you have to go

I know I'll be sadder

If you never hit the road

So farewell

Somebody's gonna miss you

Farewell

Somebody's gonna wish that you were here

That somebody is me

I finished singing the part that I found most fitting and kissed the grave before I departed. I went back to the house I was renting and changed. The owner had dropped by and I returned the keys before I left. 

I got off the plane and went to gather my belongings. I was heading down the stairs to meet my awaiting limo when my eyes nearly popped out of my head. It was Jaq', Emily and Toby. To say I was surprised was an understatement. No one knew I was coming home today except my record label. I guess word got around to Jaq'. 

Before I could ask what they were all doing there, Jaq' picked me up!

"Put me down!" I squealed. Jaq' just laughed. Poor Emily look unsure what to do and Toby stifled a laugh. Jaq' finally allowed my feet to make contact with the ground again.

"We missed you Miranda." He said at last. 

"A hug would have done just fine." I said before playfully slapping him on the arm. 

Emily made her way over to us and gave me a hug.

"See Jaq'? That's how you show someone you miss them." I joked. Emily and I giggled at his expense. 

"We really did miss you. These two were driving me crazy." Emily said.

"We'll I came just in time then." I replied. 

Jaq' and Emily lead the way to the car and Toby finally stepped out of the shadows. 

"Hey." He greeted. 

"Hey." I replied.

"You seem like you're in a better place today. That's good." He said. I nodded. 

"I am and thank you for last night. It really helped." I said genuinely. 

"Don't mention it , what are friends for?" He said and smiled. 

"So we're friends now?" I asked. He shrugged.

"Well that's what I'm hoping for at least." He said. We started to follow Jaq' and Emily again, who were almost out of the airport.

"Friendship. I think I can handle that." 

"Well friend." He started. He paused and held my hand. I didn't protest against it and we picked up our speed, trying to catch up with the other two. "Let's go." He finished. We started to laugh and didn't noticed the paparazzi who had came up behind us.