Chapter eight: Back to business

A few days had passed since Miranda and Joshua made up. The house was very tense at first, but things were becoming normal once again. Miranda still didn't trust Joshua 100%, and he didn't push it. Some days were awful and she'd cry and ignore him all day. Other times, she'd just cry and ask him why over and over. But on a good day, she'd allow him to hold her and hug her, if he was lucky he'd get a kiss in too. Miranda had decided he abrupt break from performing and anything work-related was over as well, partially because Jaq' kept begging her to come back. Today Miranda had agreed to meet Jaq' at the park.

Miranda smiled as she saw Jaq' approaching. He was her manager and they'd came in the business together. And that's what made their relationship so different. He wasn't just a manager and she wasn't any client. They were like family and both completely trusted one another. Jaq' returned Miranda's smile as he headed towards her. He sat down once he reached the table. 

Miranda: "Finally, I was just about to leave." She joked.
Jaq': "Yeah yeah, how are you?" He asked. He didn't yet know about Joshua's affair or her family problems and she wasn't ready to reveal any of that as of yet.
Miranda: "You know, hanging in there." She replied smoothly. He nodded in response. "So what were you dying to tell me?" She inquired.
Jaq' had been insisting she return to work ASAP. and he was glad when she finally caved in. They had discussed trying new things and he finally landed something for her. He just hoped she shared in his excitement.

Jaq' began clapping his hands like a little boy and Miranda couldn't help but laugh.
Miranda: "Spill it." She said.
Jaq': "Well you know how I've been saying we should branch out?" He asked. She nodded. "Well a friend of mines, a model, has this shoot coming up and he's looking for a partner." He explained.
Model? HE? Partner? Miranda thought. Jaq' noticed the shock and fear in her eyes so he continued before she could interrupt. "Here me out. He's a nice guy, you'll be comfortable around him." He said.
Miranda: "What kind of shoot is this exactly?" She asked. "I don't have to be naked do I?" She joked to hide her nervousness.
Jaq': "Of course not! You just have to show some skin is all." He said with a shrug.

All jokes were off now.
Miranda: "No." She said firmly.
Jaq': "Why not? You trust me right? I wouldn't ask you to do anything you weren't comfortable with." He said with a hurt expression on his face. It wasn't like he'd ask her to do porn. She needed to update her appearance and it was nothing wrong with that. She'd been squeaky clean for too long and in this industry, that could only get you so far.
Miranda: "If you knew me, you'd know I would not be comfortable with that. Young girls look up to me. What kind of role model would I be?" She said with a angered expression on her face.

Jaq': "Please trust me on this. Toby isn't a bad guy and it's not as bad as it sounds. You will be in your underwear, but it's for this up and coming designer. You like helping people right?" He pushed on. Miranda squinted her eyes at him. Of course she liked to help people, especially people just starting out.
Miranda: "Why can't it be pajamas at least?" She tried to reason with him.
Jaq: "Tell you what. Do this for me and I'll pay for your honeymoon." He suggested. Miranda hadn't mentioned the wedding was pushed back again and this time the new date was unknown. But since she didn't want to go down that road she agreed.
Miranda: "We're going somewhere really expensive." She said as a last minute attempt to deter him. He just laughed.
Jaq': "No problem." He replied. She rolled her eyes at him before returning his smile. Their "meeting" was over. He'd given her the final details to her photo shoot and wished her luck.

They hugged and said their goodbyes. 

Later that day

Miranda felt herself feeling a little self-conscious. She had a nice body and she knew it, but she'd be posing with a professional. And not just any model, a guy. She was definitely not running that by Joshua. All she had mentioned was she'd be taking pictures for a new designer. He didn't push any further and wished her good luck. He had offered to tag along but she quickly shut him down. Before she called it a night she spent countless hours just looking in the mirror. 

The next morning.. 

Miranda awoke early the following morning. She quickly wolfed down her french toast and left for the studio. She tried not to think too much about it because if she had, she'd be running back home. 

When she arrived she could see the photographer putting the room together. She had greeted her with a smile and directed her to her dressing room. She didn't know if Toby had arrived yet, but she didn't want to think about that. She allowed the makeup artist to work her magic and then the hair stylist styled her hair to perfection. After all was done, she was allowed to meet Toby briefly. He had reassured her that it'd be fine. Then they started..

They had done a few together and Miranda relaxed. Besides being almost nude with a complete stranger, it wasn't all that bad. It was actually fun but she wouldn't tell Jaq' that. They finished up by letting her pose alone. 

After they were finished, she put her clothes back on as did Toby. Before they left, Toby approached her.

Toby: "Thank you for agreeing to shoot with me." He said. Miranda blushed a bit, she should be thanking him for allowing such a newbie to accompany him.

Miranda: "No problem."

Toby: "You were really good. Are you sure this was your first time?" He asked. Technically it wasn't. She had posed for her album covers but never with another person. 

Miranda: "Sorta" She replied.

Toby: "Ah I knew it. You were too good for a beginner." He said and smiled at her. "This is where I'd ask if you'd like to have coffee with me but Jaq' tells me you're engaged." He says as if it was a question instead of a statement.

Miranda: "Yes I am." She replied.

Toby: "Your fiance' is one lucky man Ms. Griffin." He replied. Is he really flirting with me? Miranda thinks. She starts to blush again. Toby can sense her growing uncomfortable and decides he should go.

Toby:" You take care okay?" He says.

Miranda: "Like wise Toby." She replies. 

Chapter Seven: Big girls don't cry

Lonely, heart broken and confused was how Miranda felt. Never had she ever felt this broken. Sure she had been lied to before and cheated on, but it was nothing compared to this. This time she was betrayed in the worst way. As she left her home, which felt like only moments ago, she found herself headed to the one place where she could think. The beach. Her home away from her, her escape.

Miranda stood on the beach, heels and all and just stared ahead. The water looked so peaceful and the air felt cool against her skin. She was grateful no one was there. No one to see her at this dark time to go and report to the media. No cameras, no questions, just her and the beach. 

What am I going to do?

Should I just leave?

Do I go back and confront him, again?

Can I stay here forever?

What if this gets out to the media?

Why can't I just be happy?

Why me?

Question after question ran through her mind. Questions, but no answers. A part of her wanted to stay and a part of her wanted to run. Running its what she did best. It was always her way out of trouble. Would she run all of her life? Run away from her problems? No, she couldn't. She wouldn't. Today was the day she'd stopped running, stop crying and face her problems head on. She was a big girl, an adult, and big girls didn't cry. Big girls "woman-ed up" and dealt with life. 

Miranda: "Yup, it's time to go home." she told herself firmly. She turned to walk away and headed home. 

Twenty minutes or so later she found herself back at the place she just ran from. Back home and ready to face her problems. Ready to fix her relationship or to let it go, it would all be decided after she stepped foot in her home. 

As she stepped inside her eyes immediately found the slumped over figure in the chair. It was Joshua. She slowly approached him. Fighting tears and the urge to leave. Fighting the urge to attack him also. His cries grew louder as she approached him. She could hear him asking himself questions aloud. What had he done? Why was he so stupid? Would Miranda ever come back? Could she forgive him? 

Miranda: "Joshua" She said softly. Joshua had heard the voice, but he knew it wasn't her. It was his mind playing tricks on him or at least that's what he thought. And hearing that only caused him to cry harder. 

Miranda: "Joshua" She repeated a little louder. Joshua shook his head. He wouldn't look up. He wouldn't let his mind have that power over him, to trick him. Miranda grew tired of this and took a few steps towards him. Joshua heard the sound but again he thought it was his mind and shook it off. 

Miranda reached for him and brought his face up to meet hers. 

Miranda: "It's really me. I did come back." She said. Joshua looked up puzzled. 

Joshua: "Miranda?" He questioned. She nodded. He swallowed hard. He couldn't believe she was there, that she had came back. Did this mean she had forgiven him? Or maybe she had came to say good-bye? 

Miranda: "Get up." She demanded. He nodded and stood upon his feet. 

Joshua: "Miranda I am so sorry." He began to explain. "I love you so much and I never meant to hurt you." He continued. "You didn't deserve what we did to you, the affair, the lies..I'm sorry." Miranda nodded along as he apologized. She already planned on hearing this but a few sorries wouldn't go back in time to stop what happened. 

Miranda:"Please stop." She said finally. He immediately shut up.

Miranda: "I know you're sorry and I truly believe you. I do. But it still hurts! How would you feel if I told you I screwed your best friend days before our wedding?! Would you forgive me and welcome me back with open arms?" She yelled. All he could so was shake his head, he was afraid to say anything at the moment. 

Miranda: "You have no idea the crap I've been dealing with lately. Performing concerts, giving interviews and trying to find my family. Finding out everything I thought was true about my parents was a lie. Finding out I'm adopted and knowing the one person who could give me some answers is dead and I'd have to get them myself. All of this was going on but I didn't let it show. I kept it in and dealt with it all my on my own. And when I was ready to let you in, your father tells me this shit. I mean your father of all people! You didn't even have the balls to do it!" She went on. 

Joshua: "I had no idea." He said at last. "You should have told me" He said.

Hearing that made Miranda break. For a moment she forgot all about the cheating and the affair. All she could think about was her family. She felt unwanted all over again. Why had her parents abandoned her? Why had the woman who raised her lied? Why? Joshua noticed the sudden change in her face and his heart broke for her. She had enough burdens and he had added to it. He hated himself even more. 

Despite what was going on with their relationship, he knew she needed him. He walked towards her to give her a hug and tell her that everything would be okay. She tensed up. 

Miranda: "No don't touch me." She said and started walking back. He ignored her protest. He wouldn't let her push him away, not when she was so broken. 

He was right. She needed him, needed someone. She had went too long battling everything on her own. It was time she let someone help, even if that someone had just broken her heart.

Joshua: "We'll fix this." He promised. "We'll make it right again." He said. She nodded and held onto his every word. She hoped he was right, she needed him to be right. When their embrace ended he led her to the sofa. She didn't protest. 

She laid in his lap and felt a little better. Her heart still heart, her mind spinning but a little slower now. Some small weight was lifted off her shoulders and she felt like she could breathe again. She knew everything wasn't fixed nor perfect. But slowly it would be. She'd be whole again and she would be able to trust Joshua. Maybe someday they'd even walk down the aisle. As she laid on his lap and he held her hand, he promised things would get better. He promised that from this day forward, they'd face their problems together. There would be no more secrets either. Just honesty and love and she nodded along to his promises. He even suggested therapy but she firmly disagreed. She didn't want some stranger prodding in her life. Asking questions and trying to be in her head. She agreed to be more open about issues with him, but they had to work it out. Only them, no one else. 

Chapter Six: Heart break

Joshua awoke the next day. Memories of last night flashed through his mind. He sighed as he listened to the shower run in the bathroom a few feet away. Miranda, he thought. He slid to the side of the bed and was about to go downstairs, to wait for her and to tell her the dreaded confession. But luck would have it another way. As he got towards the door, his phone rung. 

"Work". He read aloud. He reluctantly answered, almost too late. His boss demanded he come in right away. He tried to get out of it but the other man wasn't buying it. He gave up and said he was on his way. Quickly he had gotten dressed and out the door. Miranda came into the bedroom shortly after to discover the bed made and Joshua gone. She saw a badly written note that read "Work emergency". She shrugged threw it away and headed downstairs. The smell of food cooking immediately filled her nostrils. Her mouth watered just a bit. As her foot touched the floor, she saw Joshua's parents in the kitchen and his mother at the stove. She headed in their direction. 

Miranda: "Good Morning". She spoke as she edged closer to the food being prepared. Joshua's mother smiled at her and told her to have a seat. She happily obliged.  

Once seated she couldn't help but state at Willie, sitting in front of her. It was odd, he was a quiet man but he  still managed small talk. He was just sitting there reading that newspaper like it was the most interesting thing in the world. Miranda was just about to strike conversation when Mrs. Thomas chastised her husband for being rude. 

He placed the paper on the table to the left of him. He cleared his throat before he spoke. 

Willie: "Sorry dear I didn't see you." He said. Really? Miranda wanted to say. She shook her head in her head. On the outside she nodded and asked how he slept last night. 

Willie: "Just fine." He said. "It seems as though you took the news well" he said, looking in her face. Miranda's mind instantly changed from annoyed to confused. News? What news? This Willie noticed. 

Willie: "You mean he didn't tell you?" He inquired. Miranda shook her head, growing annoyed again. 

Miranda: "It'd help if you could be a little more specific." She pointed out. 

Willie: "It's not my business." He said and was about to pick up his paper again.

Miranda: "No no no". Miranda said. "Mr. Thomas, you can not do that!" She yelled, not caring that she raised her voice at her future father-in-law. "What are you getting at?" She noticed the shocked expression he wore and the gasp from his wife. She apologized and lowered her voice and asked again, nicely this time. He sighed. He told her everything. He told her how his son slept with her best friend mistakenly and kept it a secret. He also told her that he was suppose to tell her last night but he obviously did not. Miranda took the news in and went through a roller coaster of emotions. She felt betrayed by the two people she cared about and loved the most. She felt pissed because they hide it from her. She felt used because Joshua slept with her instead of telling her the truth. She also felt heart broken. Tears began to form in her eyes and she no longer wanted to sit at the table. She excused herself. 

She said nothing further and left for her bedroom where she'd cry her eyes out. Willie looked up at her as she left. He felt happy that she knew but also pained to be the bearer of bad news. His wife had finished cooking and was just standing there. Once Miranda had retreated upstairs, Carol made her way over to her husband. 

Carol: "Are you crazy?!" She yelled. His usually quiet wife was not so quiet now. He hadn't seen her look this pissed since Joshua was five and he smeared paint all over her good jewelry. 

Willie: "It had to be done." He said in his defense. 

Carol: "You should never have opened your mouth! Look what you've done." She continued. 

Carol continued to yell until she looked like she was ready to pounce on him. Willie put his hands up in defense and apologized again. She shook her head and stormed off. 

Later that day

Joshua's parents packed up after "breakfast" and didn't say a word to Miranda. She remained locked in her room until she came downstairs. It was almost time for Joshua to get off and she was waiting on the sofa. As she laid there, she allowed that morning's news play through her mind. Before she knew it, she had closed her eyes and dozed off. 

An hour or so later Joshua came in and found her sleeping peacefully. He smiled at her, until he noticed the dried tissues around her gathered on the floor. Maybe she's sick? He thought. He went over to carry her upstairs so she could rest comfortably. She woke up suddenly. It took her a moment to realize he was standing in front of her. She suddenly sat up and slide over so he could sit down. He shrugged and sat down.  He sat next to her, or tried to, she slide further away. 

He looked at her, noticing something was off. 

Joshua: "Something wrong?" He asked. Miranda wanted to blow up. She wanted to scream, throw things, kick his ass, but she didn't. In a small voice, like someone with a crushed soul, she spoke. 

Miranda: "Just tell me, please, is it true?" She asked as her voice broke. Oh shit he thought, he immediately knew what she was referring to. He knew his father must have told her. He sighed and nodded his head. She swallowed the lump that formed in her throat. She didn't want an explanation. Not now, she couldn't bear to hear the details. She rose and pointed towards the door. 

Miranda: "Get out." She said firmly. Joshua quickly began to try to explain, he needed her to hear him out but she wasn't having it. He had managed to get on his knees. 

Joshua: "Please just hear me out." He pleaded. She shook her head and put her hand up to silence him.

Miranda: "Either you go or I do."

Joshua: "No. I'm not leaving until we work this out. Please forgive me." He cried. Miranda turned towards the door. Once outside, she let her tears flow again. Joshua wanted to follow her, but he knew she needed some time. He watched out the door and she started to run down the stairs and clutch herself. 

Miranda: "Why Joshua?" She asked.