Chapter Seven: Big girls don't cry

Lonely, heart broken and confused was how Miranda felt. Never had she ever felt this broken. Sure she had been lied to before and cheated on, but it was nothing compared to this. This time she was betrayed in the worst way. As she left her home, which felt like only moments ago, she found herself headed to the one place where she could think. The beach. Her home away from her, her escape.

Miranda stood on the beach, heels and all and just stared ahead. The water looked so peaceful and the air felt cool against her skin. She was grateful no one was there. No one to see her at this dark time to go and report to the media. No cameras, no questions, just her and the beach. 

What am I going to do?

Should I just leave?

Do I go back and confront him, again?

Can I stay here forever?

What if this gets out to the media?

Why can't I just be happy?

Why me?

Question after question ran through her mind. Questions, but no answers. A part of her wanted to stay and a part of her wanted to run. Running its what she did best. It was always her way out of trouble. Would she run all of her life? Run away from her problems? No, she couldn't. She wouldn't. Today was the day she'd stopped running, stop crying and face her problems head on. She was a big girl, an adult, and big girls didn't cry. Big girls "woman-ed up" and dealt with life. 

Miranda: "Yup, it's time to go home." she told herself firmly. She turned to walk away and headed home. 

Twenty minutes or so later she found herself back at the place she just ran from. Back home and ready to face her problems. Ready to fix her relationship or to let it go, it would all be decided after she stepped foot in her home. 

As she stepped inside her eyes immediately found the slumped over figure in the chair. It was Joshua. She slowly approached him. Fighting tears and the urge to leave. Fighting the urge to attack him also. His cries grew louder as she approached him. She could hear him asking himself questions aloud. What had he done? Why was he so stupid? Would Miranda ever come back? Could she forgive him? 

Miranda: "Joshua" She said softly. Joshua had heard the voice, but he knew it wasn't her. It was his mind playing tricks on him or at least that's what he thought. And hearing that only caused him to cry harder. 

Miranda: "Joshua" She repeated a little louder. Joshua shook his head. He wouldn't look up. He wouldn't let his mind have that power over him, to trick him. Miranda grew tired of this and took a few steps towards him. Joshua heard the sound but again he thought it was his mind and shook it off. 

Miranda reached for him and brought his face up to meet hers. 

Miranda: "It's really me. I did come back." She said. Joshua looked up puzzled. 

Joshua: "Miranda?" He questioned. She nodded. He swallowed hard. He couldn't believe she was there, that she had came back. Did this mean she had forgiven him? Or maybe she had came to say good-bye? 

Miranda: "Get up." She demanded. He nodded and stood upon his feet. 

Joshua: "Miranda I am so sorry." He began to explain. "I love you so much and I never meant to hurt you." He continued. "You didn't deserve what we did to you, the affair, the lies..I'm sorry." Miranda nodded along as he apologized. She already planned on hearing this but a few sorries wouldn't go back in time to stop what happened. 

Miranda:"Please stop." She said finally. He immediately shut up.

Miranda: "I know you're sorry and I truly believe you. I do. But it still hurts! How would you feel if I told you I screwed your best friend days before our wedding?! Would you forgive me and welcome me back with open arms?" She yelled. All he could so was shake his head, he was afraid to say anything at the moment. 

Miranda: "You have no idea the crap I've been dealing with lately. Performing concerts, giving interviews and trying to find my family. Finding out everything I thought was true about my parents was a lie. Finding out I'm adopted and knowing the one person who could give me some answers is dead and I'd have to get them myself. All of this was going on but I didn't let it show. I kept it in and dealt with it all my on my own. And when I was ready to let you in, your father tells me this shit. I mean your father of all people! You didn't even have the balls to do it!" She went on. 

Joshua: "I had no idea." He said at last. "You should have told me" He said.

Hearing that made Miranda break. For a moment she forgot all about the cheating and the affair. All she could think about was her family. She felt unwanted all over again. Why had her parents abandoned her? Why had the woman who raised her lied? Why? Joshua noticed the sudden change in her face and his heart broke for her. She had enough burdens and he had added to it. He hated himself even more. 

Despite what was going on with their relationship, he knew she needed him. He walked towards her to give her a hug and tell her that everything would be okay. She tensed up. 

Miranda: "No don't touch me." She said and started walking back. He ignored her protest. He wouldn't let her push him away, not when she was so broken. 

He was right. She needed him, needed someone. She had went too long battling everything on her own. It was time she let someone help, even if that someone had just broken her heart.

Joshua: "We'll fix this." He promised. "We'll make it right again." He said. She nodded and held onto his every word. She hoped he was right, she needed him to be right. When their embrace ended he led her to the sofa. She didn't protest. 

She laid in his lap and felt a little better. Her heart still heart, her mind spinning but a little slower now. Some small weight was lifted off her shoulders and she felt like she could breathe again. She knew everything wasn't fixed nor perfect. But slowly it would be. She'd be whole again and she would be able to trust Joshua. Maybe someday they'd even walk down the aisle. As she laid on his lap and he held her hand, he promised things would get better. He promised that from this day forward, they'd face their problems together. There would be no more secrets either. Just honesty and love and she nodded along to his promises. He even suggested therapy but she firmly disagreed. She didn't want some stranger prodding in her life. Asking questions and trying to be in her head. She agreed to be more open about issues with him, but they had to work it out. Only them, no one else.