Chapter Thirty-one: The End

The morning after my birthday I woke up still in Toby's arm. It took me back because I expected him to be gone. Honestly, I felt as though I was dreaming. But no it was real and last night actually happened. He woke up shortly after I did and kissed my shoulder before saying good morning. I turned my head slightly in order to not kill him with morning breath and retreated into the bathroom.

Again a million things buzzed around my brain. Thoughts, questions, fears yes they were all running wild up there but I told them to shut up. I couldn't deal with any of it at this moment. I at least needed Toby to leave so I could think alone. I brushed my teeth and took a quick shower and changed clothing. When I went back into my bedroom, Toby was no longer there. I was just about to turn the door knob to leave when the smell of pancakes hit me.

He's cooking for me? I thought to myself as I followed the yummy trail to my kitchen. He motioned for me to take a seat and then slide three fluffy pancakes onto a plate in front of me. I had no idea he could cook! He placed a bottle of syrup in front of me as well. He also fixed a plate for himself and the two of us ate in silence for a good five minutes.

My phone started vibrating against my pocket and I excused myself. It was Jaq' who was at the studio. I had totally forgot I was suppose to be there this morning. I apologized and said I was leaving right then. I also apologized to Toby because he now had to be rushed out. He took it like a champ though and told me it was okay.


Two days later

Two days went by really quick when all you did was run back and forth between the studio, interviews, video shoots, etc. I was so busy I almost forgot that Toby and I had to re-shoot for the upcoming fashion show. The designer finally picked a date to showcase his underwear line and wanted us to take more pictures. Honestly I didn't see why he didn't tell us sooner, but I was able to fit it in my busy schedule.

"You're so lucky to be shooting with Toby Myers!" Abby gushed. We had developed a little friendship and she was now comfortable around me. She was no longer the shy makeup artist, but we actually conversed and exchanged jokes.
"It's not a big deal." I replied.
"Yes it is. I remember being back in beauty school just dreaming of him. He is beyond hot." Abby continued. I just shook my head and laughed along.

Abby was in the middle of my makeup when there was a knock on the door. I shot a brow up at her and she asked me if I was expecting any visitors. I answered no and she went to open it. I'm surprise she didn't faint when she saw who was behind the door. Toby. I wasn't sure what he wanted but they talked a bit before she stepped outside and he came further into the room.

"Hey." He greeted. I stepped off the stool and walked over to him.
"Hi Toby." I greeted back. The two of us hadn't properly spoken let alone saw each other in the past two days. I tried not to dredge up my birthday memories right now as I stood in front of him.
"Well we're going to be doing a few solo shots and then some together." He explained. He went further into details and I nodded my head along. After business got out of the way he switched topics.

"I've been thinking.." He started. Oh no here it comes I thought. "we never really talked after your birthday or about what happened." He finished.
"Yeah." I said.
"Miranda I'd be lying if I said I only wanted a friendship with you. I know you've been through a lot and I never wanted to push you or make you uncomfortable but it's hard to continue like this." He went on. I nodded along and just listened. I couldn't respond yet.

"Miranda I really like you. And I need to know if I'm alone in this. I mean I know it'll be hard but I'm ready and willing to help you learn to love again." He said. It was really genuine and heart-felt. If it had been on screen I would be bawling right now and telling the girl to say yes and marry him or something, but it wasn't a script. It wasn't a movie, it was my life and it wasn't so simple.

"Toby I really do appreciate you for being there for me. You didn't have to be, but you were and I can't thank you enough. You will always be special to me because of that." I begun. I hated myself for what I was about to say.
"But a relationship is not something I can handle right now." I said. Toby's face fell. I knew he thought it was a possible outcome, but he didn't want to hear it.
"I'm sorry Toby." I said. My heart broke. I didn't want to hurt him, but I had to protect myself too. My heart was on the line also.
"Are you ok?" I asked. I wanted to reach out and hug him, but I remained standing in my spot.
"Yes. We need to get out to the set." He said and he was back in business mode. I guess it was better than thinking about getting rejected.

I put my feelings aside and allowed Abby to finish with my makeup. She wanted to ask what happened, but she kept it professional and I was grateful for it. After I squeezed my way into my first outfit, which was too french-maid like for my taste, I walked on set. We were filming in a bedroom type area. The photographer and Toby were chatting when I came up.

"Ms. Griffin, Toby will do his solo shots first. And when you're ready you can start yours." He explained. I agreed and stood by and watched. Actually I looked everywhere but at him. I didn't want to see the hurt or pain in his eyes. But when I finally did glance his way he looked fine.

Before long, it was my turn. I was not ready, not ready at all. My "first" pose was just standing there with my arms over my chest. The photographer cleared his throat.
"Ms. Griffin?" He asked.
"Yes?" I answered.
"Whenever you're ready." He said. Right he thought this was a joke, sadly this was a serious attempt on my part.
"Miranda it's okay, just take a deep breath." Toby suggested. I smiled sadly at him. He was probably in all types of pain inside but he was going to make this photo shoot work. And damn it, so was I.

I managed to kick my nerves and finish the shoot. Some parts were harder than most. The shots where we had to look like an actually couple in love and be close to one another. It would have been easier without our earlier conversation but both of us handled it very well.

It was over in an hour or so. We had both ventured back into our dressing rooms and changed into our clothing. I had walked back to the set to find Toby staring out the window. I had to talk to him and make sure he understood what I said earlier. I cared for him and didn't want to lose our friendship.

"Toby?" I called out as I stood behind him.
"Hmm?" He responded without turning around.
"Could we talk a moment?" I asked. He turned to face me then.

I was not prepared to see the pained look upon his face. It just made me feel even worse.
"Toby about earlier, I'm sorry if what I said hurt you." I apologized.
"No you were being honest." He replied.
"Yes but I didn't want to hurt you. I can't stand seeing you like this. It's not right that I caused you distress when all you've done is cheer me up." I said.
"I'll be fine." Toby said trying to put on a brave face.

I couldn't hold it in any longer.
"Toby it is not fine!" I screamed a little louder than I intended. I was angry and confused, all because of myself. I was happy the photographer had left by now.
"Miranda.." Toby tried to calm me down.
"No Toby it isn't fine. I feel awful for hurting you why don't you understand that?" I argued.
"Because I don't want you to feel bad. I put myself out there not you." He replied. Hearing that made me absolutely lose it even more than before.

"Toby I wasn't being honest, not with you or myself." I said before I started to break down. Toby, the guardian angel he was, wrapped his arms in comfort around me.
"What are you talking about?" He asked softly. In between tears I was able to answer him.
"I do have feelings for you Toby, but I was too afraid to admit it earlier. I don't want to get hurt all over again, but lying to myself hurts too." I answered.
"I want to give us a chance, I really do. But you have to know that it'll be hard. I'll cry and be upset and I may be a little insecure at times, but I'll try. Toby I can try for you, for us." I said. Toby's arms wrapped around me a bit tighter, but not too tight.

"Miranda that's all I ever wanted to hear." Toby simply stated and kissed my forehead. And just like that, we were "together". I knew we would have a rocky road ahead of us. But he was ready to brave it with me. Something Joshua never admitted to. No one ever said love was easy, but when you find the right one it will be worth all the pain and more. Here's hoping to third time's the charm.


*This is it! The End, sorta. I didn't forget Joshua and Mimi and their drama. Next Sunday will be the epilogue with their little ending. Thank you all for hanging in there with me!