Chapter Fourteen: Big girl panties

Stuck in between the state of being asleep and waking up, Miranda's eyes slowly began to flutter open.

She sat up and yawned.
"How long was I asleep?" She asked herself and looked out the window. The clock on her wall read 9:55 am. That wasn't late to most people, but it was for her. And then reality hit her. She was really taking a break. No more interviews, no more late nights at the studio, no more touring, no more Sky. She would just be Miranda.
"Well it's not like you're falling off the face of the earth." Her inside voice told her. But was she? Sure her fans would still remember her and she'd probably get asked for a couple of autographs, but how long did it take for someone to fade away? In this day and age it wasn't hard to become a sensation over night. And as quickly as some rise, they fall even faster. Negative thoughts began to creep inside her head and she briefly regretted her impromptu break.

Her inner voice of negativity followed her to the bathroom, until she had enough.
"I deserve a break and whatever happens so be it." She said aloud before she picked up her toothbrush. The voice shut up and Miranda smiled.

After she brushed her teeth and washed her face, she made her way to her living room. There she powered on her PC and set out to do something she had put off for too long. She was going to book a flight to Riverview. She took this break for other reasons besides the breakup and being tired of the media. She needed to find her parents. She needed to find out why she wasn't good enough to keep and how the woman she called mom fit into this.
"Done" she said once the flight was booked. It was set for a week away. She wasn't ready to go right now, but if she set it anytime further then she would never get the courage to go. Before her inner voice could come back she headed for the bathroom again to take a nice relaxing bubble bath.

Mimi's House

In the middle of the night, Mimi had managed to change into her nightgown. She was now awake and making her bed. She wondered where Joshua had ran off to, but quickly threw away the thought. He wasn't anything other than a roommate and had no obligation to tell her where he was going. However, no matter what she told herself she still wanted to know. Just as she was going to text him, her stomach growled.

She cooked her favorite thing for breakfast, Egg Machiavellian. Her stomach growling reminder her of the baby growing inside of her.
"I'm sorry I've been ignoring you." She spoke to her belly. "I promise I won't anymore." She said and flipped the contents inside of her pan.

Mimi sighed once she saw the paper that was still on her table.
"I need to throw that out." She thought as she took a bite of food. She continued to take bite after bite, but she couldn't ignore the headlines for much longer. Affair, Cheater, Betrayal, Pain, and other words seemed to scream at her, demanding her attention. No longer hungry, she emptied her plate and washed it.
"Fine." She said. "I'll put my big girl panties on and talk to Miranda." She decided.

As she walked out of her house, she glanced around for any nosy paparazzi. Thankfully the coast was clear, so she hopped in her car.

Mimi had reached her destination and was sitting right outside of Miranda's home. She took a deep breath before reaching for her door handle and exiting the vehicle.

"At least she won't kill me. I'm pregnant." She thought as a boost of confidence. She put her left hand under her right elbow to make sure she didn't chicken out and not knock on the door. She gave the door three knocks and waited before giving a fourth.
"Maybe she won't be home." She said silently.

Miranda' POV

I was finishing up my hair when I heard someone knocking on my door. I wasn't expecting anyone until later. Emily and Jaq' were coming over later, but it was too early for them.
"Who is it?" I called out. No answer. I sighed and asked again, but still received no answer. I thought about looking out the window, but decided to just face whoever it was. A feeling in the back of my mind thought it was Joshua. Surely if he was outside he wouldn't announce himself out of fear I wouldn't open it.

"Who is--" I froze before I could get out the rest. I told myself to breathe as I looked straight ahead at my visitor.
"Hi." Came the voice in front of me. "Can I come in?" She asked in a small voice. I simply stepped aside so she could enter.

We stared at each other for a moment. Both of us were unsure what to say. But don't get me wrong, I had played this scene out a million times. What I'd say, what I'd do, but in reality everything went away. I was just standing here staring at her dumbfounded.

"I just want to start off by saying Thank you for letting me inside your home." She took a deep breath before she went on and I just continued to stare. "I regret hurting you like this Miranda and you have to believe I never wanted to. I never wanted to lose you as a friend either. It was just one big mistake that I wish never happened." She continued.
"I know you don't trust many people and for you to have trusted me meant a lot. You trusted me with your secrets, your home, and I betrayed that. I am extremely sorry and I hope that one day you will find it in your heart to forgive me." She finished. It was now my turn to say something I guess. What was I suppose to say exactly?

I cleared my throat in case my voice wanted to betray me.
"So let me get this straight, you bring me some apology and expect me to forgive and forget?" I asked.
She shook her head.
"Of course not. I know it won't be that easy." She explained. I hadn't let Joshua off easy, so it was only fair I gave her the same treatment.

"Then why are you here? And why now? Guilty conscience? Do you know how many times I called after you abruptly left? I had no idea why you left and blamed myself! I thought I did something wrong." I paused for a moment and laughed. "I can't believe it. I would have never imagined you would screw my fiance behind my back. You didn't even have the balls to tell me face to face either. Instead you hid and waited until it was out in the open before showing your face!" I spat out.
"Miranda you have every right to be upset with me. I don't blame you and I'm sorry it took me so long to come here. I was ashamed and embarrassed." She pleaded. Anger began to boil up inside me. I was usually a reasonable person, but I had been hurt too many times. And sorry wasn't going to cut it this time.

"Could you fucking quit the act already?! Don't act so nice and innocent now. You surely weren't thinking of me when you were fucking Joshua now were you? No I don't think so." I shook my head. "You disgust me, the both of you. Maybe if you two owned up when it happened then it could have soften the blow. But no you ran off and he lied." I exploded. I had reached my limit and wanted her out of my sight.
"Miranda please calm down." She begged softly.

The pitifulness in her voice made me want to lose it.
"Stop it!" I yelled and clinched my fists. "Stop acting like the victim and stop acting as if you're doing the right thing!" I blew out the breath I had been holding and tried to calm down. If she didn't leave right now I didn't know what I'd do. Just when she was about to come closer to me for God knows what I backed away.
"Leave" I said in a lower voice. As she looked up at me, shocked, I repeated myself. "Now" I said. She looked defeated and her eyes were filled with sorrow. She gave me one last glance before letting herself out.

Later that day

Emily and Jaq' were due to arrive soon, so I began to prepare dinner. I had half the mind to cancel, but it wouldn't have been fair to them. So I pushed aside what transpired a few hours ago and put my hostess face on. They hinted that they might not be alone and I wondered what that meant. I figured out someone else might be tagging along, but who?

I heard a car horn and the doorbell follow after it. I knew it had to be them this time.
"It's open" I shouted out. I heard them come in and said hello without turning around. I explained that dinner wasn't ready yet and they didn't seem to mind. I heard Jaq' and Emily head out near the pool. I thought about turning around to see their plus one, but I really wanted to finish dinner.

I was now cooking the veggie burgers on the stove. I began to hum to myself when I heard footsteps behind me.
"That smells wonderful." The voice commented. I clutched the pan's handle tighter as I tried to process who it could be.
"Toby?" I asked.
"Sorry I didn't mean to scare you." He said once he noticed me tensing up.

I placed the pan inside the stove and turned around. Yes it was Toby. I notice he let his hair down today, it was styled the same way at the photo shoot. He also seem to shave or grow out his beard more, I couldn't tell.
"I didn't know you were coming." I said.
"I thought they told you." He replied. I shook my head.
"I hope it's not a problem." He said suddenly looking nervous.
"No it's fine. I knew someone was coming, just not who." I explained.
"Oh" He said flatly. The timer beeped and dinner was ready. I fixed the veggie burgers and sat them on a platter.

I started to walk outside to gather my other two guests, but stopped shortly when I saw them making out. I held back a laugh and knocked on the door. They jumped and looked in my direction. I mouthed that dinner was ready and they separated from each other and came inside.

Toby and I had finished first. Emily began to chat him up after Jaq' mentioned he was staying in London. She was immediately interested and asked a million question in between bites. Jaq' was busy stuffing his face and I just watched everyone. My mind drifted back to earlier and I felt myself getting upset again. Everyone was having a good time and I didn't need my sudden mood change bringing them down. So I excused myself.

"You know it's rude to leave your guests." Toby said. I hadn't been aware that he joined me.
"And it's rude to sneak up on people." I countered. He chuckled beside me.
"You have a point." He replied. I returned to staring outside at the backyard. It had nothing on the beach, but I avoided it since news of my relationship broke. Toby remained there for a few seconds more.
"Is it me? Do I still make you uncomfortable?" He asked with a serious tone.

I turned around to really face him. He squinted his eyes as if he were surprised.
"What? Why would you think that?" I asked. He shrugged.
"I know I didn't make the best impression at the shoot, and I'm guessing I'm showing up too much." He explained. I smiled.
"No Toby you don't make me uncomfortable. It's something else." I replied.
"Something personal?" He wondered. I nodded. "Do you want to talk about it?" He offered.

I accepted surprisingly. Surely he had heard most of the details of what happened between Joshua and I. So telling him what happened when Mimi visited wouldn't be sharing too much would it? I really didn't care anymore. Talking to someone beats holding it all in. We sat on my sofa in the corner. I relayed the earlier conversation between Mimi and I. And he listened attentively.

"So you're upset with yourself?" He inquired.
"Yes." I answered.
"How come?" He asked.
"I don't know. Maybe I was too hard on her." I said truthfully.

"Nonsense." He said and waved what I said away. "I'd say you handled that better than most people. Hell I wouldn't have let her in." He said. I sighed. He was right, but my heart wouldn't let me off the hook.
"She was my best friend though. It just doesn't feel right to hate her." I explained.
"I understand Miranda. I do, but sometimes it's the people closest to us that hurt us the most." He said.

"Hey how did you become so easy to talk to?" I joked. He was practically a stranger, but it felt so easy to open up to him. He shot me a smirk.
"I don't know." He said and laughed. It was contagious and I laughed too. Our laughter was interrupted by the sudden sound of music. My head turned in the direction of my living room.
"What are they up to now?" He asked as if he could read my thoughts.
"Let's go see." I said.

We looked on at Emily and Jaq' dancing in front of us. They had pushed my sofa back to give themselves more room. Toby and I exchanged a look at each other and smiled. Instantly I felt better and watched the two love birds.