Chapter Nine: It get's worse

Miranda left the studio and had made her way back home.

On her way inside, she passed by Joshua. He gave her a small smile and she flashed one back. 

Joshua: "How was the shoot?" He inquired. She shrugged her shoulders like it wasn't a big deal. 

Miranda: "It was fine." She said dryly and proceeded to the bathroom. Joshua sighed and headed out of the door. 

Miranda walked over to her sink and began to wash her face. After that, she brushed out the curls and re-braided her hair into pig-tails. She glanced at herself in the mirror once she was done. As she stared at herself, she reflected on that morning. She was so nervous and afraid, she had convinced herself she'd screw up, but she didn't. She really didn't and she didn't let Toby out-do her either.

Toby She thought. A small smile crept across her face. She knew the guy for all of 5 minutes and just the thought of him put butterflies in her stomach. Her smile turned into a laugh at her last thought. Here she is, relationship falling apart and she's crushing on some strange guy? She shook her head at herself. She chucked her sudden feelings up to the recent events. Her school girl crush was nothing and it would fade. To further clear her mind, she figured she'd get a work out in. 

Her workout lasted about 15 minutes before Joshua returned. She thought he'd just make his way back to his office but instead he just stood there. She suddenly grew uncomfortable under his gaze. 

What's his problem? She thought. She thought she may have been over exaggerating the situation and tried to push on. 

Five minutes passed and he was still there. Frustrated and a little freaked out, Miranda turned off the radio and ended her workout. 

Joshua: "Done already?" He asked. Miranda only ignored him and walked ahead into the kitchen. 

Miranda pretended to scrub the sink, hoping he would get bored and finally leave. Unfortunately for her, Joshua followed her and propped himself against the counter. He didn't say anything he just watched her. She felt disgusted by the look in his eyes, and annoyed that he didn't even bother to hide the lust behind them. 

Joshua: "Miranda." He spoke at last. She ignored him. "I miss you." He said softly.

Miranda: "I didn't know I left." She said sarcastically. 

Sick of being ignored, Joshua grabbed her by the waist and spun her towards him.

Miranda: "What the--" Joshua cut off her protest with his lips. He really had missed her. He missed holding her, touching her and was so tired of her pushing him away. He knew he had screwed up, bad, but he couldn't take this punishment anymore. She tried to push against his chest, but he wasn't budging. She found herself kissing him back but stopped herself. 

No! She thought. She was still hurt and angry and it as no way he could kiss their problems away. She shoved him back harder and he released his hold. She was walking off and he was following her. 

Joshua: "Miranda stop!" He yelled. The tone of his voice had her frozen. He had never yelled at her before and she was shocked.  

She had spun around and thought he was just going to attempt to romance her again. But she was very wrong. The calm demeanor he had was replace by anger. 

Joshua: "Miranda I'm tired of this! I've said sorry. I've waited...I don't know what else to do!" He screamed. Her eyes widen in shock. She was taken back by his sudden temper. 

Miranda: "Joshua--" He cut her off.

Joshua: : "No you're going to listen this time. You said you were going to forgive me so why haven't you? Why are you ignoring me and acting as if I'm some stranger. Life is too short Miranda. If you love me then just get over it already. Stop being such a bitch about it." He finished his tirade.

Miranda listened to his complaints and took in the information. She was still a little frighten by his tone of voice, but she let him continue. That was until he had told her to get over it and called her a bitch. 

Miranda: "Excuse me? Did you just tell me to get over it?!" She exploded. It was at this moment, Joshua knew he had screwed up. 

Miranda: "I didn't know I was taking too long to forgive you. Hell I didn't know there was a time limit, why didn't you say so?" She screamed. "Why don't I just get over it like you suggested, because it really wasn't a big deal. I mean all you did was fuck my best friend and lie about and I had to find out from your father. Oh no big deal at all." She said sarcastically. 

Joshua: "I didn't mean what I said. It came out wrong." He tried to explain. She had put her hands up to silence him. 

Miranda: "No you meant exactly what you said. You really have some balls talking to me like that. You are lucky that I gave you another shot because any other sane woman would have dropped you. And I'm really starting to regret not doing so." She replied. She was fuming by the time she finished and wanted to get away from him. She turned to go into the guest bedroom and locked the door behind her. 

Miranda slid against the door once inside. She tried to cry, but it was like her tears were stuck in her throat. So she sat there and just stared at the floor as the pain built up inside of her. 

Joshua was too late to grab the door before she shut it. He didn't have to turn the door to know it was locked. He wanted to knock on the door, even bust it down, but he couldn't. He just began to weep.

The next day

Mimi had settled into her new place just fine. It was hard to leave without saying bye to Miranda, it was even harder ignoring her calls. But after a while she had stopped calling and it was getting a little better. That was until she didn't get her period. With the lie, moving, and losing her job it was almost like she forgot about it. She probably wouldn't have remembered if she didn't find her full box of tampons that she had for way too long. She immediately rushed out to get a home pregnancy kit and rushed back home. She stood in her bedroom and waited for the timer to go off. And it did. She jumped and walked over to pick it up.

To her horror the test confirmed her biggest fear. 

Mimi: "No" She said aloud as she read the test over and over again. No matter how long she stared at it, it never changed. "What the hell am I going to do now?" She said to herself. Her life was just getting worse and worse. She lost her best friend, her job and if she didn't find a new job soon she'd be poor. Her savings wouldn't last forever, and in 9 months she was going to have another life to care for. 

To be continued :)

Chapter eight: Back to business

A few days had passed since Miranda and Joshua made up. The house was very tense at first, but things were becoming normal once again. Miranda still didn't trust Joshua 100%, and he didn't push it. Some days were awful and she'd cry and ignore him all day. Other times, she'd just cry and ask him why over and over. But on a good day, she'd allow him to hold her and hug her, if he was lucky he'd get a kiss in too. Miranda had decided he abrupt break from performing and anything work-related was over as well, partially because Jaq' kept begging her to come back. Today Miranda had agreed to meet Jaq' at the park.

Miranda smiled as she saw Jaq' approaching. He was her manager and they'd came in the business together. And that's what made their relationship so different. He wasn't just a manager and she wasn't any client. They were like family and both completely trusted one another. Jaq' returned Miranda's smile as he headed towards her. He sat down once he reached the table. 

Miranda: "Finally, I was just about to leave." She joked.
Jaq': "Yeah yeah, how are you?" He asked. He didn't yet know about Joshua's affair or her family problems and she wasn't ready to reveal any of that as of yet.
Miranda: "You know, hanging in there." She replied smoothly. He nodded in response. "So what were you dying to tell me?" She inquired.
Jaq' had been insisting she return to work ASAP. and he was glad when she finally caved in. They had discussed trying new things and he finally landed something for her. He just hoped she shared in his excitement.

Jaq' began clapping his hands like a little boy and Miranda couldn't help but laugh.
Miranda: "Spill it." She said.
Jaq': "Well you know how I've been saying we should branch out?" He asked. She nodded. "Well a friend of mines, a model, has this shoot coming up and he's looking for a partner." He explained.
Model? HE? Partner? Miranda thought. Jaq' noticed the shock and fear in her eyes so he continued before she could interrupt. "Here me out. He's a nice guy, you'll be comfortable around him." He said.
Miranda: "What kind of shoot is this exactly?" She asked. "I don't have to be naked do I?" She joked to hide her nervousness.
Jaq': "Of course not! You just have to show some skin is all." He said with a shrug.

All jokes were off now.
Miranda: "No." She said firmly.
Jaq': "Why not? You trust me right? I wouldn't ask you to do anything you weren't comfortable with." He said with a hurt expression on his face. It wasn't like he'd ask her to do porn. She needed to update her appearance and it was nothing wrong with that. She'd been squeaky clean for too long and in this industry, that could only get you so far.
Miranda: "If you knew me, you'd know I would not be comfortable with that. Young girls look up to me. What kind of role model would I be?" She said with a angered expression on her face.

Jaq': "Please trust me on this. Toby isn't a bad guy and it's not as bad as it sounds. You will be in your underwear, but it's for this up and coming designer. You like helping people right?" He pushed on. Miranda squinted her eyes at him. Of course she liked to help people, especially people just starting out.
Miranda: "Why can't it be pajamas at least?" She tried to reason with him.
Jaq: "Tell you what. Do this for me and I'll pay for your honeymoon." He suggested. Miranda hadn't mentioned the wedding was pushed back again and this time the new date was unknown. But since she didn't want to go down that road she agreed.
Miranda: "We're going somewhere really expensive." She said as a last minute attempt to deter him. He just laughed.
Jaq': "No problem." He replied. She rolled her eyes at him before returning his smile. Their "meeting" was over. He'd given her the final details to her photo shoot and wished her luck.

They hugged and said their goodbyes. 

Later that day

Miranda felt herself feeling a little self-conscious. She had a nice body and she knew it, but she'd be posing with a professional. And not just any model, a guy. She was definitely not running that by Joshua. All she had mentioned was she'd be taking pictures for a new designer. He didn't push any further and wished her good luck. He had offered to tag along but she quickly shut him down. Before she called it a night she spent countless hours just looking in the mirror. 

The next morning.. 

Miranda awoke early the following morning. She quickly wolfed down her french toast and left for the studio. She tried not to think too much about it because if she had, she'd be running back home. 

When she arrived she could see the photographer putting the room together. She had greeted her with a smile and directed her to her dressing room. She didn't know if Toby had arrived yet, but she didn't want to think about that. She allowed the makeup artist to work her magic and then the hair stylist styled her hair to perfection. After all was done, she was allowed to meet Toby briefly. He had reassured her that it'd be fine. Then they started..

They had done a few together and Miranda relaxed. Besides being almost nude with a complete stranger, it wasn't all that bad. It was actually fun but she wouldn't tell Jaq' that. They finished up by letting her pose alone. 

After they were finished, she put her clothes back on as did Toby. Before they left, Toby approached her.

Toby: "Thank you for agreeing to shoot with me." He said. Miranda blushed a bit, she should be thanking him for allowing such a newbie to accompany him.

Miranda: "No problem."

Toby: "You were really good. Are you sure this was your first time?" He asked. Technically it wasn't. She had posed for her album covers but never with another person. 

Miranda: "Sorta" She replied.

Toby: "Ah I knew it. You were too good for a beginner." He said and smiled at her. "This is where I'd ask if you'd like to have coffee with me but Jaq' tells me you're engaged." He says as if it was a question instead of a statement.

Miranda: "Yes I am." She replied.

Toby: "Your fiance' is one lucky man Ms. Griffin." He replied. Is he really flirting with me? Miranda thinks. She starts to blush again. Toby can sense her growing uncomfortable and decides he should go.

Toby:" You take care okay?" He says.

Miranda: "Like wise Toby." She replies. 

Chapter Seven: Big girls don't cry

Lonely, heart broken and confused was how Miranda felt. Never had she ever felt this broken. Sure she had been lied to before and cheated on, but it was nothing compared to this. This time she was betrayed in the worst way. As she left her home, which felt like only moments ago, she found herself headed to the one place where she could think. The beach. Her home away from her, her escape.

Miranda stood on the beach, heels and all and just stared ahead. The water looked so peaceful and the air felt cool against her skin. She was grateful no one was there. No one to see her at this dark time to go and report to the media. No cameras, no questions, just her and the beach. 

What am I going to do?

Should I just leave?

Do I go back and confront him, again?

Can I stay here forever?

What if this gets out to the media?

Why can't I just be happy?

Why me?

Question after question ran through her mind. Questions, but no answers. A part of her wanted to stay and a part of her wanted to run. Running its what she did best. It was always her way out of trouble. Would she run all of her life? Run away from her problems? No, she couldn't. She wouldn't. Today was the day she'd stopped running, stop crying and face her problems head on. She was a big girl, an adult, and big girls didn't cry. Big girls "woman-ed up" and dealt with life. 

Miranda: "Yup, it's time to go home." she told herself firmly. She turned to walk away and headed home. 

Twenty minutes or so later she found herself back at the place she just ran from. Back home and ready to face her problems. Ready to fix her relationship or to let it go, it would all be decided after she stepped foot in her home. 

As she stepped inside her eyes immediately found the slumped over figure in the chair. It was Joshua. She slowly approached him. Fighting tears and the urge to leave. Fighting the urge to attack him also. His cries grew louder as she approached him. She could hear him asking himself questions aloud. What had he done? Why was he so stupid? Would Miranda ever come back? Could she forgive him? 

Miranda: "Joshua" She said softly. Joshua had heard the voice, but he knew it wasn't her. It was his mind playing tricks on him or at least that's what he thought. And hearing that only caused him to cry harder. 

Miranda: "Joshua" She repeated a little louder. Joshua shook his head. He wouldn't look up. He wouldn't let his mind have that power over him, to trick him. Miranda grew tired of this and took a few steps towards him. Joshua heard the sound but again he thought it was his mind and shook it off. 

Miranda reached for him and brought his face up to meet hers. 

Miranda: "It's really me. I did come back." She said. Joshua looked up puzzled. 

Joshua: "Miranda?" He questioned. She nodded. He swallowed hard. He couldn't believe she was there, that she had came back. Did this mean she had forgiven him? Or maybe she had came to say good-bye? 

Miranda: "Get up." She demanded. He nodded and stood upon his feet. 

Joshua: "Miranda I am so sorry." He began to explain. "I love you so much and I never meant to hurt you." He continued. "You didn't deserve what we did to you, the affair, the lies..I'm sorry." Miranda nodded along as he apologized. She already planned on hearing this but a few sorries wouldn't go back in time to stop what happened. 

Miranda:"Please stop." She said finally. He immediately shut up.

Miranda: "I know you're sorry and I truly believe you. I do. But it still hurts! How would you feel if I told you I screwed your best friend days before our wedding?! Would you forgive me and welcome me back with open arms?" She yelled. All he could so was shake his head, he was afraid to say anything at the moment. 

Miranda: "You have no idea the crap I've been dealing with lately. Performing concerts, giving interviews and trying to find my family. Finding out everything I thought was true about my parents was a lie. Finding out I'm adopted and knowing the one person who could give me some answers is dead and I'd have to get them myself. All of this was going on but I didn't let it show. I kept it in and dealt with it all my on my own. And when I was ready to let you in, your father tells me this shit. I mean your father of all people! You didn't even have the balls to do it!" She went on. 

Joshua: "I had no idea." He said at last. "You should have told me" He said.

Hearing that made Miranda break. For a moment she forgot all about the cheating and the affair. All she could think about was her family. She felt unwanted all over again. Why had her parents abandoned her? Why had the woman who raised her lied? Why? Joshua noticed the sudden change in her face and his heart broke for her. She had enough burdens and he had added to it. He hated himself even more. 

Despite what was going on with their relationship, he knew she needed him. He walked towards her to give her a hug and tell her that everything would be okay. She tensed up. 

Miranda: "No don't touch me." She said and started walking back. He ignored her protest. He wouldn't let her push him away, not when she was so broken. 

He was right. She needed him, needed someone. She had went too long battling everything on her own. It was time she let someone help, even if that someone had just broken her heart.

Joshua: "We'll fix this." He promised. "We'll make it right again." He said. She nodded and held onto his every word. She hoped he was right, she needed him to be right. When their embrace ended he led her to the sofa. She didn't protest. 

She laid in his lap and felt a little better. Her heart still heart, her mind spinning but a little slower now. Some small weight was lifted off her shoulders and she felt like she could breathe again. She knew everything wasn't fixed nor perfect. But slowly it would be. She'd be whole again and she would be able to trust Joshua. Maybe someday they'd even walk down the aisle. As she laid on his lap and he held her hand, he promised things would get better. He promised that from this day forward, they'd face their problems together. There would be no more secrets either. Just honesty and love and she nodded along to his promises. He even suggested therapy but she firmly disagreed. She didn't want some stranger prodding in her life. Asking questions and trying to be in her head. She agreed to be more open about issues with him, but they had to work it out. Only them, no one else.